Number Crunching Nerd Pillows

River Bank ( sign ): Time...Temp...US Deficit...$442,000,000,000,000.

'You may now turn over your paper and begin.' - 'Sir!' - 'Yes?' - 'What is it?' - 'I think Train 'A' and Train 'B' might be going to crash!'

'According to our statistics department, 78.93 of the statistics they produce are worthless.'

'If he knows so much about stocks and shares, how come he still has to work?'

"Do you promise to love, honour and contribute to the gross national product?"

Math 101, for those who can only count to 100.

"If i were to kiss you then there is a 17% probability that we might get married and that has a 24% likelihood that we'd have children with a 34% change of divorce...I'm not sure I can risk it."

'Scratch 3 and 5. 3's had a fight and 5's just going to live together instead.'

"Let's get married, Miss Harris, and have 2.8 children!"

"Next time be more careful where you put the decimal point!"

Gloat

'The deficit doesn't look nearly so bad now that we've switched to Arabic numerals.'

'You reached the Nervous Investor Fund's Hotline. The per share value is now 19.05, now 18.91, now...'

Economy Slows: 'It's still too fast for me.'

Teacher: 'As an adult you'll probably only use a quarter of what you're taught at school - which brings us to fractions.'

An Everyday Explanation of the Federal Budget.

"Yo, this should be a two."

"Seriously, do you expect us to believe you put on 143 feet a day in business travel?"

"The hardest to convert are inches to centimeters."

Snowflake Investments...penny stocks, junk bonds: 'Here today, gone tomorrow!'

The IRS emptied my pouch.

"Mine's bigger than yours."

'And you'll be pleased to notice, sir, that we had to eliminate the top of the chart.'

I often thought that I should have been a weaver of words,someone who danced and sang his way into peoples souls and through my imagination led others into a world of dreams and intoxicating revelry...But auditing offered a much better pension.

'Mr Rombly has cancelled his appointment. The Dow is up and he's feeling no pain.'

The good news is that I've got all the figures...the BAD news is that I'm not sure what order to put them in!

IRS, 'I think we should audit this one, sir -- his signature looks shaky.'

"Amazing deduction, Holmes!"

"I'm doing all I can to make the little things count."

"Subtracting net cash brings the P/E down to 47, and, finally, crossing out the 4 brings it down to a very reasonable P/E of 7."

"The Treasury is fairly sure that the figures in the budget are correct, they might just not be in the right order!"

'Professor Higgenbottom will have the number π and I'll have the number √-i.'

The United States Public Debt.

Pi fight!

'In other words, statistics prove that statisticians aren't always right.'