Number Cruncher Novelist Mugs

At a creative writing workshop for accountants.

'What I don't understand is how all three of us managed to get the figures wrong!'

'And were there a point to your proposal, Henderson - What would it be?'

"Forget five-year plans. Let's just figure out how to make it to lunch."

'It's only a hunch, but I think everybody bought everything they needed, last time.'

"These projections don't make sparkles shoot out my ass."

"Miracles happen, gentlemen, but they don't come cheap."

"I’ve combined all your outstanding debt into what we here in the banking business like to call a honkin’ big loan."

'You may now turn over your paper and begin.' - 'Sir!' - 'Yes?' - 'What is it?' - 'I think Train 'A' and Train 'B' might be going to crash!'

'What do you want first - The bad news or the even badder news?'

'Please remember that these figures could be off as much as two dollars.'

'Einstein, the children are getting too complex for me.'

'The prevailing wisdom is that markets are always right. I think that luck is always right.'

Or as I prefer to call it, the 'feel-good' factor.

Entering the Business Community: Assets/Liabilities

"Although technically it's a profit and loss statement, the narrative is admittedly rather one-sided."

"The trend in tough economic times is to put off everything that doesn't require immediate action ? as this chart shows."

'Actually, accounting is an exact science.'

'First you forget logarithms. Then you forget how to do long division. Then the multiplication table begins to go...'

'If you're so smart, why don't you have some Index Funds in your portfolio?'

Girl does mathematical equation. Man says 'Tut! Teenagers today and their problems ...'

"Son, you're old enough now for The Talk: everything you need to know about compound interest."

'Now, keep in mind that these numbers are only as accurate as the fictitious data, ludicrous assumptions and wishful thinking they're based upon!'

Gerry, there are more accurate ways of balancing the petty cash.

Business of Fingerpointing Line Art

Pi Ala Mode.

Sales chart is buildings in background.

"Thank you for that summation of the charts."

Annual profits,

'Let's just wait here until the federal stimulus returns.'

"I'm curious about your dependent children, Scamp, Flop, and Spunky."

'Taxes are going up, but that's no excuse to earn less, Mr. Syms.'

Professor Wiles grows insufferable.

'I'll give you a clue. The answer is a number, not a fruit.'

'The good news is, we did as well as expected last quarter. The bad news is, we didn't expect to do too well.'