Night Owl Humorist Gifts

"Listen, I'm not going to keep letting you in and out all day."

'No, no coffee for me thanks, it's almost dawn: It would keep me up the whole day...'

'Dad, I know that I should follow the chain of authority, but I'm going over your head by asking Mum if I can stay up late.'

"Being transferred to days isn't a promotion for an astronomer, you idiot!"

'You're going to have your future cut out for you, reading bedtime stories.'

Bob invents a device that electrically shocks anyone who calls between 11 p.m. and 7 a.m.

"I don't like space."

"In closing, I'd just like to say you've been a great crowd, folks. Don't forget to tip your waitress, and I hope this final number breaks your heart the way show business broke mine."

'You said you went to night classes to draw birds, and when I asked whether they had clothes on and you said they didn't - you know I didn't expect this!'

'Darling, wake up, I've just realised ... we're not HD ready.'

"When Van Gogh had insomnia he created masterpieces."

'But seriously , folks, I know you're out there, I can hear you bleeding!'

"I'll tell you the same thing everybody's telling Donald Trump - stop your damn tweeting!"

"I blacked out for ten minutes this morning - Then I realised I had put my hoodie on backwards."

Man's dentures hold cigar.

"Honey, you're sleepworking again."

Adult Education Center - Kids Learn Free

'I can't believe I phoned my ex at 4 in the morning and go the wrong number. Still, if I look on the upside...it's lucky I didn't get the right number.'

'You were talking in your sleep again.'

Artists paints sheep jumping over a fence to get sleepy.

"This next one's for anyone out there who might still be awake."

'Boy! Those 911 operators sure get snooty when you call at 4 a.m. and ask them to translate the words to Frere Jacques.'

'Joking or non-joking?'

"Mind you I wouldn't be telling you all this if you weren't asleep."

"Of course i can talk...can you fly?"

"Jeff, wake up. I just remembered what I was furious at you for."

Huddling Lampposts

'You really don't get this 'going clubbing' thing ... '

'I'm getting kind of tired of working so much at night.'

"Isn't it romantic? All those pieces of space-junk, assorted human garbage and spy satellites, twinkling in the night sky."

"Honey wake up, I realized there were more plot holes in that movie we saw that I forgot to point out."

"I want you to meet Ted. Ted's a would-be anchorman."

'I told you not to yodel when you got up there for karaoke.'

Winter Mornings

'Someone's always burning the midnight oil around here.'