Nhs Professional Prints

'What part of 'sensible', 'thoughtful', or 'effective' DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND?

'What bothers me about these meetings is even though it's work, I have the nagging feeling I ought to leave and get back to work.'

"You've got your corner office, so what more do you want?"

"My email is down... talk to me."

'We invest so much money in training staff...it's a mystery to me why businesses would risk losing them.'

"This is a merit-based organization! Can't you see I’ve hired the very best and most qualified yes-men money can buy?"

"This position has become very important to the company."

"Stock options for your thoughts."

Businesswoman Empowerment

'What sort of mission statement is that?'

Brian wanted to call the presentation "Synergy". Paula wanted to call it "Cooperation". They could never agree.

"Well, ordinary men have colleagues. Successful men have victims."

"And when the canyon fills up, that's it; herd immunity."

I hope a starting salary of 80 and a severance of 12 is acceptable....

"It's almost 5 o'clock! Where the hell is my vodka app?!"

"Give a sh*t" "Don't give a sh*t"

"Yeah, but that one's a little bit hard to reach."

'That's our mission statement.'

'This job is for a 30 hour week. . .but to achieve that you need to work 60 hours a week.'

"Everyone at Megadrug is committed to the benefits of spoken therapies, which is why we developed 'nitrazone' to enhance the experience."

'If you give up alcohol, cigarettes, sex, red meat, cakes and chocolate, and don't get too excited, you can enjoy life for a few more years yet.'

'I'm glad you guys could work this out in a reasonable manner.'

Others will fight for you

"It does have a side effect. You'll faint when I tell you how much it will cost to produce."

'Your resume is a little thin, but I like your willingness to be manipulated by upper management.'

'You see, Brad, I'm not just a highly polished career woman.'

Businessman on stilts: 'I had to step over a lot of people to get where I am today.'

Business books - Who's Who & Who's Downsized sections.

"They decided giving out pink slips was too impersonal. So now they're blue."

"I’ve tried to make this as painless as possible ... clearly I’ve failed."

21st century water cooler conversations.

"And isn't it time we replaced the worn-out, meaningless cliches in our mission statement with some dazzlingly new meaningless cliches?"

"I spent all day learning productivity hacks"