News Agent Prints

"Read a little about it"

"The Net National Product rose slightly last month."

The Anti-Agent

"I caution everyone to avoid taking the first field reporter job that comes along."

"Do you see yourself becoming a movie in five years?"

News: Deaths! Deaths! Deaths!

'So you want an advance on your writer's block?'

'Mighty strange weather tonight, followed by downright weird tomorrow....'

1599: Shakespeare's Agent knew what the public wanted

News and Magazines. Celebrity gossip. Sports scandals. Political bickering. We're out of the "information age" and well into the "too much information age"!

'The C minus was sufficient. I didn't need the advice against hiring a literary agent.'

"And now here's Cathie with the hypothetical portion of the news."

"Have you read any of Shakespeare's plays?"

"Your hunch was right, Officer Garcia. We'll need a good editor to clean up this manuscript and bring his unfinished novel to a satisfying conclusion."

Press Freedom

"I'll have the Investigator's Special."

'Look - a starfish, its manager, its agent, its minders, its significant other, its make-up artist, its personal trainer, its secretary, its astrologer, its feng shui consultant...'

Difference of Opinion

'Today the stock market was moribund, as growth equities sputtered and bonds dipped due to the inverted yield curve. I'd translate that into layman's terms...but they don't pay me enough.'

"Seth, here, is one of the best young creative compromisers in the business."

'I have a best selling novel on the tip of my tongue...'

"I love it when you use your 'All Things Considered' voice."

'Do you realize that we're sitting in a prefabricated house, eating precooked dinners, and listening to Chris Matthews' opinions?'

"Now we move over to the sports desk."

"And by president we mean the one on Saturday night tv, not the real one. He kinda sucks."

"This just in: According to a recent poll, painkillers have replaced religion as the opiate of the masses."

"Strawman argument terrorises conversation... News at eleven."

'As a famous writer, could you do something to help jumpstart my career?'

"As some of you may have guessed I got yesterday's sunburn factor wrong!"

'Poll results are in...90% of Americans can't spell Schwarzenneger.'

"What your memoir really needs is an addiction."

"This just in: one of us always tells lies; the other always tells the truth. Who's who? Stay tuned."

"....So called 'fake news' is dangerous to our democracy!"

"Which news channel should we watch?"

Mary Tyler Moore: Spot the Difference