New Year Resolution Breaker Mugs

"Yes, I've made three resolutions - not to drink less, not to stop watching football on telly and not to spend more time at your mother's."

"At this office no two days are different."

"It's a new year, and I have a brand new attitude. Which way is it to San Diego Sea World?"

"I'm sick of watching the same movie every day."

'OK. Lose weight, stop smoking, get fit, get a better job, spend more time with the kids, cut back on the booze, be better with money and buy a speed boat.'

Great doing business with you. I look forward to next year.

"I'm trying to gain 10 pounds before midnight so I can keep my resolution to lose 10 pounds next year."

January Joiner

'My mother's resolution is to eat more vegetables, and my resolution is to help her by giving her mine.'

Two entrances to a gym; one reads "Actual Exercise" while the other reads "Sit on Equipment and Stare at your Phone."

'I'm writing my New Year's resolutions.' - 'I resolve to finish everything that I start.'

'Attention everyone! I'd like to make a rebuttal of the resolution my husband just made about my going SHOPPING.'

'Well, there goes the last of my New Years resolutions...'

The trick to losing weight is to eat a small portion and wait 10 minutes. By then your resolve has caught up with your appetite!

Wife asking husband what resolutions he is going to make for the new century

A "half-life" is the time it takes for a quantity of a radioactive material to be cut in half by decay. In each successive half-life period, the quantity is halved again. Half-life length varies widely form element to element. Eating healthier is a common new year's resolution. Our data shows breaking this resolution follows a curve like those seen with nuclear decay. As of yesterday about ten percent of those who made the resolution this year are still sticking to it. We calculated the re

'You haven't seem my New Years Resolutions have you?...The one where I'm committing to 2,5000 billable hours and pulling in 6 major clients.'

If it makes you fell any better, I had to make seven New Year's resolutions, and I'm sure I'll break every last one. Ice cream.

Their first New Year's solution was easy to fulfill: turning the foodchain.

'I need a vacation, Ms. Sims. I'm tired of the same old things day after day.'

My New Year's resolution is to be a better person. Very noble. I want to work harder to improve the planet. What's your resolution, mom? Pretty much the same. To be a better-looking person? Hey! It's planetary cleanup. Nan's Hair and Nails.

'My new year's resolution is to stay home next new year's eve.'

The Janopause

What can I get you? Ham sandwich with extra cheese. Double banana split. Side of sugar. Coming up, sir. I am abandoning my New Year's diet! If you're gonna go down, go down in flames. Burn these gym clothes!

Good intentions last a month on average

New Years Resolutions: Join Gym. . .Cancel Gym.

"...For new year, I'm going to stop watching so much sport..."

"I bet you're wondering what my other hands doing under this table right now."

"Sure-fire weight loss program."

"Ah, but that wasn't a campaign promise - It was a NEW YEAR'S RESOLUTION!"

Wild Animal Park. How are the animals doing with their new year's resolutions? Good! The gazelle is trying to slow down and enjoy life, and the sloth is exercising more! What's the goat's resolution? To be more careful about what he eats? No, he just wants to spend more time with the kids this year. I heard the doe made a resolution to save some money. You misunderstood, Ernie. She didn't make any resolutions for herself. Her goal this year is to convince the male members of her specie

Great ... Thanks to your "calendar" invention, now I have to think of a New Year's resolution.

D I E T F We said we'd stick together this time, but we really knew it would only last a day or two.

"Your New Years resolution was to give up the grog!"

"Remember to keep hydrated, tell me when you want more Prosecco."