New Partner Gifts

'You CAN change a man, but then they divorce you, remarry and the new wife reaps all the benefits.'

"We met over the holidays."

"I think I should tell you, I once went viral."

"You don't keep an orgasm diary do you? My last girlfriend kept an orgasm diary."

"It's your ex-wife's new boyfriend - he says your maintenance payment is late agian, and he wants to discuss his picket money."

'It's our first date. You don't know me well enough to ask if I'm getting enough fiber.'

'Oh boy! My first date with gloria!' Gloria: 'And his last!'

'He is a little shy, but mainly he's hyperventilating.'

'It will never work. She's touchy-feely, and he is just touchy.'

'I don't have a dog or a cat. Why do you ask?'

'Actually I'm looking for a less meaningful relationship. I didn't understand the last one!'

'Oh, we've met. We were once married to one another.'

'I'm not sure I want to see you again, but just in case, I've backed you up on a flash drive.'

"Congratulations. I just need your initials here."

"It's amazing. We've just met, but I feel like we've known each other since we were kids, became high school sweethearts, got married too young, had a bunch of brats, went through a messy divorce, reconciled, remarried each other, and are now back together after all these years."

"It's not you, Glen—it's your ex-wife. She's behind me, isn't she?"

"But you promised to read at least fifty pages."

"Usually I'd be nervous, but the rest of his apartment is so nice."

"We found the poor thing stranded on the beach last summer and decided to adopt it."

Shepherd and eurydice

'I sent out for everything.'

'... And some primitive cultures, believed that 'the great ones' modelled us from clay.'

'I wouldn't say this wine's name is long, but it's continued on the bottle next to it.'

"In the first place, it isn't "maddening crowd.' It's 'madding crowd.' "

"Tight......this isn't tight...now a New York City apartment......that's tight."

"I was with you right up to the cumin."

Come dine with me!

"Ahhh... close enough."

"Tell me about this fear of couches."

"Cheers! Well, this is exciting. I've never had a dinner date with a duck before." "Relax, honey. I'm just here for the bread."

'Personally, I don't like to play Fetch, but it makes him happy.'

"In high school, I was quite the star in metal shop."

You're my Mona Lisa.

'Finally! A meeting with one of the bigwigs.'

"Soul searching? Yes, you could call it that."