New Parent Adventures Mugs

'Of course I know what he wants when he cries. He wants you.'

'Wait, breathe or don't breathe? Oh jeez, why did I have to sleep through Lamaze class?'

'She just came down the stairs without walking.'

'I never know how much to leave for lunch.'

They hadn't realised how much having a baby would affect their sex lives.

"At first it was difficult having a new baby. But now I'm doing fine!"

'The sooner I can talk, the sooner I have to start explaining.'

'It's a leaf.'

'It wasn't the baby's crying that kept me awake last night...it was my husband's.'

My wife had quads

'I have this recurring nightmare. Mum's so engorged she can't get out of bed to feed me.'

"Broken childcare promises make me mad."

"I'm so tired: Joey was tossing and turning in his sleep the whole night and kept waking me up..."

City Zoo: Day Care

"Is he talking yet? I was hoping he could help me with my new phone."

'Please tell me you're baby sitting?'

'Why don't they make thumb-flavored baby food?'

“She’s in her abstract expressionism phase.”

A young Don King

Cry babies.

'I told you it would be useful.'

'Br'er Fox said 'I'm going to throw you into the briar patch'...And Br'er Rabbit said, 'Please,please don't taser me!''

baby sweetcorn...

'Ahhh...'

The Baby Walker

"Unfortunately, your son swallowed a great deal of industrial adhesive. But don't worry: Epoxy can be cured."

Interior design trends for parents....

'Don't worry. It's never too hot or never too cold.'

"You mustn't pull the cat's tail so hard it tugs the head inside, sweetie!"

'You gotta learn to talk, Jeffrey -- it's part of the aging process.'

A Communal Breakfast for the Young

"No, I don’t find it funny that her first words are ‘South Park’!"

'Hi hon! How's the little monster?'

"This is nice, but I can't help but think we forgot something."

"They're so adorable at that age!"