Neck Massage Aficionados Mugs

Free neck massages.

"I really miss being in a committed relationship, Randy." "Which part do you miss most?" "Having someone disagree with you over what you're going to eat, or over what TV shows you're going to watch? Or do you miss having to account for how you spend your time? Or having to explain why you bought yourself something awesome without first getting permission?" "Mostly I miss the back rubs. They don't ask you to wash the dishes first at massage parlors."

Couples Massage: "Did you remember the body oil?"

'Mona Lisa, would it make you happy if I gave you a foot massage every night?'

"It was the most relaxing massage I've ever had."

Why giraffes hate winter

'I also offer massage therapy.'

'We do not do belly rubs, if that's what you are looking for.'

"Fit the reality to our statistics!"

Couples Massage

Flo discovered that one of the perks of cancer was that even reluctant friends were willing to give her foot massages,

"Shoulder work ahead"

"That feels good...now scratch a little to the left."

'But boss, this will keep my muscles from getting fatiqued.'

Perhaps a ceasefire is in order. Terms? I will agree not to pummel you for forgetting our anniversary. You will refrain from pursuing the possibility that I, too, have forgotten it. You will, furthermore, massage my feet in penance for denying me a reason to yell at you. Non-negotiable! Got off easy.

"....At least we don't have to put quarters in this hot tub."

Chair massages.

To compensate for the stress of news broadcasts, Tina's TV came with a built-in massage system.

'Sorry I'm late - I stopped off for a beer and a back rub.'

"You're holding a lot of homophobia in your lower back."

I fired my masseuse today. She rubbed me me up the wrong way.

Hazard of texting

'Only way I could get him to come was to tell him it was massage therapy.'

'If I was any more relaxed, I could host a NPR program.'

"I'm glad you're enjoying the massage feature on your new chair, but can you lower the setting a bit?"

"So the SM is for swedish massage?"

"Don't panic, you're safe: he's my next appointment..."

"I hate the wide screen, but it's good exercise for my neck."

'Sure, it's an improvement. But I guess we'll need to get to the airport a lot earlier from now on...'

'This is the place I was telling you about.'

"So, is this your very first visit to a massage therapist?"

"I'm afraid the niceties of our underwater massage must remain a trade secret."

'Now THAT'S a massage!'

"Note to self: No More Massages."

"I like having my head scratched but what I really love is deep tissue massage."