Navigating Marital Conflict T-Shirts

"O.K., class, next we'll pound out the dough until that ungrateful, self-centered son of a bitch realizes he's not the center of the world, and maybe, just maybe, he doesn't deserve an attractive, well-educated woman with a wonderful sense of humor."

'What? You ate the gateau instead of throwing it into my face?? You insensitive, egotistical brute! You don't love me anymore!'

'This marriage is turning into a complete farce.'

"Since he's been a plagiarist, committed perjury and runs a Ponzi scheme, trust can be an issue."

'Typical bloody man, you've no idea what loyalty means...it's just self, self...self!'

"You keep everything bottled up inside."

"I liked it better when we just had your people call my people."

"Can I call you back, I'm engaged in crisis talks."

Lady Justice Balances A Marriage Quarrel

"Marriage and water, I find, don't mix."

"It's time to bring in the wax begonias and your mother."

"I've taken the liberty of adding eight thousand dollars to your check so that, while you're stunned with disbelief, I can bang your wife."

'My husband is a very large, loud and obnoxious man. OK, sure, I tried to hire a hit man. But just to hit him.'

"If you want a positive outlook, you're going to have to turn you chair around."

'The only thing we have in common anymore is the kids are driving us both nuts!'

'... all you have to say is QUACK, QUACK, QUACK!'

"Now take my life-partner...please...take my life-partner!!"

"Well. Firstly, I can't take the case because I'm not a divorce lawyer and secondly, I'm your husband."

"Sorry. No refunds."

'Maybe your wife doesn't understand you, because you don't make any sense!'

'How many are just staying together for the kids? OK, that's good, very good.'

"You've always let me down in this marriage."

"You said it. I heard it. There's no taking it back, Harold!"

"That rat trap you sold me is no good. My husband hasn't been near it!"

"May I assume you want separate checks?"

'To be honest Fran, our marriage is going through a tricky patch.'

"I'll leave, Margaret, but I won't get lost."

'There's too much Mahler in our marriage. We need some Mozart!'

'Enough frank and honest talk. Let's go back to hypocrisy and dishonest talk.'

'Believe me, it ain't easy being married to this lazy, lyin' sack of s**t!'

"Ever since you yelled at me I've been getting ads from divorce lawyers."

"Quit asking if I'm O.K. If I'm ever O.K., I'll let you know."

"Trying to live more in the moment was your idea."

'And this is for couples who, whilst not actively seeking divorce, have agreed to keep apart by two chevrons.'