Movie Buff Pondering Their Choices T-Shirts

"I often wonder how my life would've turned out if I hadn't wasted two hours of it watching 'Sliding Doors'."

Screenwriters pitch movie to studio boss: 'It's a reinterpretation of Bicycle Thieves, that classic of Italian neo-realism. We're calling it, Dude, Where's My Chopper?'

Herman Mankiewicz

"They're wearing cameras. How humiliating."

"I like movies that resemble my life, so I don't feel like I'm wasting time watching a movie."

The Pink Bantha

"That was totally....what's the word I'm looking for?"

Old sea captains queue to see Monster Whale Revenge.

'You don't want weather? Not a problem! How about sports, or maybe a nice movie? We can do that! Just put that thing down and let's talk, OK?'

"At some point, there's only so high you can raise the volume before you admit you're never gonna understand what British detectives are saying."

'I'd like my £2.50 back'

"Want to deal with some unresolved issues or just get another movie."

'How's this new concept? Instead of a gunfight, the hero overpowers the villian with a heartfelt homily on the sanctity of family values.'

"We both see Ben as this summer's breakout child."

The Scarecrow Gets A Brain From Igor

"And the award for the best use of AI in a movie goes to..."

"'Tis but a scratch — in America, I'd still have to go in for work today."

"Why don't you just go and see this summer's feel-good movie?"

Frank & Ernest. Signe Painted. Cosmetology Dept. That should be "cosmology"! Why do you always get those two confused? I always think the one about space should have an "et" in it.

"Don't go in there!!"

I haven't been down there since last Valentine's day. I want to check on a couple who asked me to rekindle their romance. A year ago I told them that thanks to me they'd be spending more time together and less time at their offices. I said I'd make it so they'd have lots of nights at home ordering some take-out and watching a movie. They must be very happy with me. All I did was shoot an arrow of love, but apparently they think I caused some sort of pandemic to happen!

'Harlow, why can't you be passionate like Mel Gibson?'

Harriet Walter

"Look out, Luke Grasswalker! Irascibility leads to the dark side of the force. . . right into a hamburger bun."

A mummy, in police tape, chases a police officer.

Wizard of Oz - repeat fees

"The cape comes off too."

'One chatterbox, a natter natter and two shhhhh's please.'

'It's a 'Free Willy From Hollywood' petition: Would you please sign it...'

"We're gonna make, Rose! Keep washing your hands!"

The Directors Gut.

'Most of all, I'd like to thank god. . .'

Cary Grant

"Which should we go see: the straight romantic comedy where the heroine's best friend is a gay man, or the gay romantic comedy where the hero's best friend is a straight woman?"

Woody Allen