Motivational Guru Pillows

'I like to reward my employees for doing a good job. That's why I keep treats in my pockets when I walk past the cubicles.'

'Come on, come on, let's work together!'

"To be clear, I said I want your 'A' game, not your 'Eh?' game."

"Follow me, lads, for I have the largest collection of leadership and motivational tapes in the division."

Feedback should be sought for genuine reasons, not because you want compliments. . .

'How does it change you? Well, for starters, I discovered I had the strength to dig my way out with my bare hands.'

Dog motivational speakers

'Thanks for the peptalk, Self-esteem Man!'

"We don't have a battle cry to get the employees revved up, but it's amazing how productive people can be when you get them doughnuts every Wednesday."

"Shape up, son! You want to be a dung beetle the rest of your life?"

Think Outside The Box: Sure - but just not outside my pay grade - okay?

Motivational Speaker: Carrots-sticks

'Optimism is the key to success. Inside every fat chance, there's a slim chance trying to get out.''

'Our goal is to beef up employee morale.'

"But what's my MOTIVATION?"

"You don't have a ladder?"

Businesswoman Empowerment

'We invest so much money in training staff...it's a mystery to me why businesses would risk losing them.'

"It's a memo from the legal department reminding us to (heh-heh), 'keep our noses clean'."

'I'm judging by your silence Al that you're giving me the green light on the Greenwich project. I just want to say that I admire your leadership. I guess that's why you've been running this company for 20 years.'

Sir Winston Churchill

"I can motivate everyone except myself."

'I'm sorry, but everyone is in a meeting.'

'The downside to my meteoric rise to the top is that I didn't have the opportunity to step on many people.'

"I suppose just climbing the greasy pole is no longer an option..."

"Eventually, you have to stop visualizing yourself doing well on the test, and actually do the test."

The Dubloon Stops Here

'Don't worry. No one else knows what they are doing either.'

"Actually, the district office is getting better results with a fresh garlic bagel."

'I'm afraid you don't have the leadership qualities we're seeking.'

Teamwork!

What the Thinker was thinking: 'I think I can...I think I can...'

'Now then - I just wanted to see how you handle pressure, Mr. Boyle.'

"We don't call them 'horns' anymore. They're interactive audio crash deterrent stimulators."

'Instead of a raise, Yomp, you may call me 'Chief', instead of Mr Staghorn.'