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Doctor handing cell phone to patient: 'Here, take this and call me in the morning.'

"We think we got some good CT scans, but unfortunately they're encrypted and our I.T. guy is on vacation this week."

'Just follow these simple instructions.'

'A problem with the Phase II trials. Everyone - all the people - was given the placebo, and no one got the drug.'

"Yeah, I know. bu tthe administration didn't want to appear culturally insensitive."

"The saying Use It or Lose It isn’t referring to one’s appetite."

Superbug Research Go For It / Got it

'You seem quieter tonight. Did they give you something to help you relax?'

"That's a big fat lie!"

'She's one of our nurses hiding from the patient load.'

Look on the bright side...they'll probably name a disease after you.

Podiatry. The greated podiatrist of all time, you say? Yep. I studied at his feet.

The end is near

Pre-Old Blues

'The good news is that it's not your fault.'

The Canary in the Coal Mine

'I know my instruments are sterilized every day but I have no idea who does it.'

'I'm a practical nurse! -- I know better than to listen to doctors!'

'How could it have been rough for you back in Pharmacy school, Dad? You only had penicillin and aspirin.'

'Gastroenterology...do I know that?'

'Well, we're off for our xmas break - I'm sure you can manage without us for a couple of weeks.'

Vaccine hurdles

'We're trying to use a team approach to medicine, but we're having trouble fitting everyone!'

'Where does it hurt?'

ANd the Oscar for the best special side effects goes to ASTRAZENECA!

Orthopedics. Pediatrics. Stuff they never taught your in nursing school.

"You just made medical history Mr Burnside. Your're the first one ever struck by lightning while on a bed pan."

'It seems with every year my hot flashes get worse.'

"First, admit no harm."

"Don't just stand there gawping women! Give me a hand with my monthly salary!"

"Dad, I want to become a doctor. I already know something about anatomy: A human being consists of a head, a belly, legs, arms, and a smartphone."

Case in Point

"She's all surgery and he's all pharmacy."

'I had a taste of my own medicine yesterday - Yuck!'

"Oh no, those aren't recharging stations for phones. We have those there so physicians can get themselves recharged!"