Modern Lighting Lover T-Shirts

"It's the new LED model."

'It's my homage to Picasso.' (Snowman is all mixed up with eyes and nose in odd places)

Schools of Art - A Rough Guide.

'Now Featuring Gas-Fired Microwave Campfires!'

"Someday, these will be installed in every home and business that wants to seem artsy."

"I don't know anything about art, but this is a damned good Martini."

'Hurray for indoor plumbing!'

"Swiping won't cut it sonny-boy, you have to physically walk to the next painting."

Jackson Pollock: abstract; Picasso: cubism; Bobby: eight year old

'I can't move in, Ted - your lifestyle is too modern. And your furniture is way too modern.'

'Wait, this isn't Monet's garden, it's Mondrian's.'

Where do you see yourself five years from today, dork-boy? 43 Breen Road. What are you talking about? It's where everyone wants to go. It's the most popular AirBnB in San Francisco. The earliest opening they had was five years from today. Just book a hotel. Hotels are so 2007.

'What do you suppose he's trying to say?'

Pouring all emotion into his art, Pablo had none left for his face.

Art Masters as Clowns pt. 2

"Typical venue, just providing male washroom facilities!"

'I agree, this artist will go far and he should start right now!'

"I thought I'd add a punch line."

'How can they call it modern art when it's 100 year's old?'

Tedious Romantic.

Jackson Pollock as a child

'I think you've put that in the wrong place.'

Kapoor & Piss-poor (Anish Kapoor sculpture beside Marcel Deschamps urinal)

"You like it? It’s from the MoMA Store!"

Cubism Model

Smithsonian

"He's left out the staples"

It'll never work - you're LED and I'm plasma.

"Forget it - she's out of your league."

What do you think? I'm calling it Snow.

"When we remodeled, we decided to go with the granite countertop."

'This is the painting he was about to start when he shot himself.'

Biker At Museum

"I like his style. He makes it look like an accident."

Jackson Pollock - "Oh no! Someone's thrown paint all over it!"