Modern Life Enthusiast T-Shirts

"Bob was raised in the wilderness by salmon."

"Hi, I'd like to add you to my professional network on LinkedIn."

'You want to speak to the head of the household? There is no head of the household. My parents are into shared decision making.'

"Good grief, Bradbury! How long have you been working at home?"

'Forget the birds and the bees. I downloaded that from the Internet. Tell me about day trading.'

"If we're going to talk, can we at least have the TV blaring?"

"I wasn't copying off others. I was just crowdsourcing the answers."

"You'll have to speak up. I'm very loud in here."

A businessman is chauffeured on a stretch scooter.

"You look great but the information from your health monitor is concerning me."

A man and his baby both using phones.

"Do we really have to pause for every food delivery?"

Text Message Please Pass The Ketchup

Broken Doorbell - Please Text or Email.

'I'm leaving you Gordon, and I'm taking all the user names and passwords with me.'

"The way you look at me, Craig... you really see me."

"Hang on a minute! #Totesinlabour!"

"I'm a societal mutation."

The News in Capsule Form.

"Congratulations. You have finally reached Extension Five Million. Please hold."

The "This Item Not Sold In Any Store" Store

New York Man

"Absolutely not. I don't give my provenance over the phone."

A couple has sex on a pile of overdue notices.

Adult Amusement Park

"Can you reinvent the classic grilled cheese for me?"

Garden of Earthly Delights

"I'm a vegetarian who eats meat."

"Is he talking yet? I was hoping he could help me with my new phone."

Reach for the Star.

'Hurray for indoor plumbing!'

'I can't move in, Ted - your lifestyle is too modern. And your furniture is way too modern.'

"I couldn't find the phone charger, but I was able to locate all the mouses the kids lost over the years."

"I didn't say my prayers, but I e-mailed God earlier."

T.S. Eliot lacks the courage to eat a peach.