Modern Career Seeker Pillows

'Nothing against you, dad, but I'd rather be a political pundit.'

"Fill out an application? Can't I just text it?"

"We offer 104 vacation days...otherwise known as weekends."

'Yes I'm sure we can find an opening for you, Mr Smith!'

Card Reader in PC Supplies Store.

"What we're looking for is someone who think outside the box?"

'Your resume seems in order, Mr. Lupo, but would you explain exactly why you want to work here> Mr. Lupo...?

'What I lack in cognitive flexibility, I make up for in moral flexibility.'

'Oh, we have an excellent benefits package ??" major medical, dental plan, vacation, retirement, nude encounter sessions....'

Ace headhunters.

Day one, post grad

"These are excellent qualifications... so good that our largest competitor would gladly pay you twice as much."

"I can't really tell you the future but I'll tell you what's trending on Twitter."

The first case of resume padding.

'We want you to take the hindmost.'

"Nice touch." - Resume playing music.

"The labor market is awaiting you!"

"According to your resume, you've done nothing of any real significance since inventing the wheel."

'Are all of these letters of recommendation from your mother?'

"How would you rate your toleration for risk?"

'This stuff is all well and good son, but when are you going to get a proper job?'

"I've never seen a resume that's entirely made up of emojis. Let me take a few moments to decode it."

"Can I put in a claim for interview trauma compensation?"

'My crystal ball is in the shop. Pick a fortune cookie.'

"Have a career, and then if you want to try acting, you'll have my blessing."

Amateur Palmist

'I have never seen a resume prepared in pastels and oil paint. How long have you been unemployed?'

"References? Well, I just got six references from the guys in your waiting room."

"And, of course, if I were to get the job and start feeling comfortable here I'd no longer need the security blanket."

'Forget about me - what can you tell me about the new CEO coming on board?'

'At least hanging around street corners reminds us we're at a crossroads in our lives.'

The job is yours if you want it – but, of course, I'd expect you to sleep on it a few dozen times before deciding.

Wow. You're amazing!

"I didn't get a job at the job fair, but I got a blue ribbon for best resume."

"Your accomplishments speak for themselves. Unfortunately for you, I'm completely fluent in exaggeration."