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"If he doesn't go nuts first, he'll be the first person to ever write a novel on a cell phone."

'I'm reading aloud, Jeremy - My lips are SUPPOSED to be moving!'

'When we get there let me do the double talking.'

"Too bad about old Ainsworth. Published and published, but perished all the same."

Ed Flanders, Deconstruction Worker

"The menu just says fried fish, but may I give you a more compelling, surprisingly lyrical description?"

Library sections; Fiction, non-fiction and do-it-yourself.

'Darling I want you to remember this always,,,'

"Whenever he shows up everything turns to crap!"

Thru versus Through Traffic

"Meet The Author"

"Do me next."

First Novels.

"She's been so creative lately."

Edgar Allen Poe

Big Tex Silver Saddle Restaurant advertises 'BBQ, $10, Chatter in a Vanishing Regional Dialect $1.00 Extra.'

"Let me slip into something a little more thoughtful."

"Counsel for prose is overruled. Poetry, you may continue."

Backfire

A Copy Editor and His Dog

Kid in time-out writes 'it was the best of time out...'

"No writers were harmed or mistreated in the preparation of this story."

Cut Price

'Why can't we have a texting bee?'

Someone who knows apostrophes

Why we need poetry. . .

What's normal?

Gone With the Wind: The Beach Blanket

"It turns out everyone here is self-published."

It's Dostoevsky. It's Melville. It's Flaubert. But it doesn't dance.

'How do you plead, in twenty-five words or less?'

"I just finished your manuscript and I found the ending delicious."

"Have you read any of Shakespeare's plays?"

Not to be a motion picture. Will remain just a book.