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"If he doesn't go nuts first, he'll be the first person to ever write a novel on a cell phone."

'I'm reading aloud, Jeremy - My lips are SUPPOSED to be moving!'

'When we get there let me do the double talking.'

"Too bad about old Ainsworth. Published and published, but perished all the same."

Ed Flanders, Deconstruction Worker

"The menu just says fried fish, but may I give you a more compelling, surprisingly lyrical description?"

'Darling I want you to remember this always,,,'

Library sections; Fiction, non-fiction and do-it-yourself.

Torturing the English Language

Thru versus Through Traffic

"Whenever he shows up everything turns to crap!"

"Meet The Author"

Edgar Allen Poe

"Do me next."

First Novels.

"She's been so creative lately."

Big Tex Silver Saddle Restaurant advertises 'BBQ, $10, Chatter in a Vanishing Regional Dialect $1.00 Extra.'

"Counsel for prose is overruled. Poetry, you may continue."

A Copy Editor and His Dog

Cut Price

Backfire

'Why can't we have a texting bee?'

"No writers were harmed or mistreated in the preparation of this story."

Kid in time-out writes 'it was the best of time out...'

"Let me slip into something a little more thoughtful."

Someone who knows apostrophes

Why we need poetry. . .

Rejected Titles For The Canadian National Anthem.

Gone With the Wind: The Beach Blanket

What's normal?

"It turns out everyone here is self-published."

Not to be a motion picture. Will remain just a book.

'How do you plead, in twenty-five words or less?'

"I just finished your manuscript and I found the ending delicious."

It's Dostoevsky. It's Melville. It's Flaubert. But it doesn't dance.