Mismatch Chef T-Shirts

"I call her 'mincing lamb' because the only thing she ever cooks is spaghetti bolognaise..."

"Well, isn't that embarrassing."

'When you asked me over for a home-cooked meal, I assumed you'd be making it.'

"I don’t know, Margaret. She looks like the type who makes exotic stuffings."

'How many blummin' shades of black ARE there?'

"I like that everything is mismatched. I just think it could be mismatched better."

'Out. How come?' - 'Off side.'

'Dinner in tumble dryer - gone to see therapist!'

'It's every SNOW flake that's different, Billy - Not every CORN flake.'

As luck would have it the hunchback's blind date turned out to be a hunchbelly!

'My socks don't match, but neither me nor my socks care.'

"But can you afford two tickets to Africa?"

"I found the problem with your dryer. . . here are a bunch of socks you probably thought were lost!"

'Painter'

"Wait? I thought it was a 'look'?"

"Aw yeah, twist on the exhale! Twist on the exhale! Yeah yeah!!"

'I'm a court jester -- my socks aren't supposed to match!'

'What the... I told the dating agency to send serious candidates only!!'

'Well. I gotta admit, she did say in her profile that she's an old-fashioned girl!'

The Origin of Laundry Day

Lost Property: "How can I help?"

"He began his career as an interior house painter, and stuck with the tools he was comfortable with."

Guess what pants I'm wearing on this Zoom call.

Unsuitable hospital reading material.

Never let your girlfriend pack your parachute.

'So this is what you meant when you promised to take me out for a 'three course meal'!'

Classic Film Festival. Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. I told you it wasn't a buddy movie!

I'm a 10.5. What, litres?

"Sold, to the gentleman with the paddle."

'Your heart's not really in this job, is it?'

'When I asked to go somewhere nice and warm, I didn't mean inside your trendy jumper.'

One day in a boat out in the pacific. . . While at the same exact moment in a slum apartment in Brooklyn, N.Y....

"On the internet you said you were tall."

"Don't get me wrong, you're a good tiler but maybe you should go back to your old job..."

"The odd thing is that I'm not really a cat person."