Microscope Fan Pillows

"On my last birthday, I received a microscope with a resolution so powerful I was able to watch single-celled organisms divide to create new life. Even with the aid of that microscope, you still could not see the f**k I don't give for your book."

"This place has the best happy hour."

"I never dreamed we'd migrate."

"Another flue shot, Larry.

"Yes, go and play, but be careful, there are a few thermals around: make sure you're not lifted too high..."

"Trying to impress us on your first day is understandable, but the moon has already been discovered."

'Oh dear. He's got my eyes.'

"I've heard this airline's got some unusual inflight entertainment."

I travelled to get away from it all. All I got away from was my luggage.

'My - You've matured, my dear.'

Caliologist

'No more for me, thanks - I've already had a skinful.'

Man Ray

In addition to dusting crops, McWit now rotates them.

Damn. Out of quarters again for the Pay Electron Microscope.

'This reminds me...what generation iPhone are you?'

'The anaerobic ones are just sitting there, but the aerobic bacteria are doing jumping jacks, sit-up, leg lifts....'

Optician and the PI.

"Yes, the migration flight home is always faster, but it's thanks to the prevailing winds, not just because we're keen to get home..."

"We just made a big cancer breakthrough. Have a cigar."

'I'd like an 'Innuendo' please - a big one.'

'Test results are back. Coffee, donuts, sleep deprivation. Doc, you've got to start taking better care of yourself.'

Big Moon Brewery and Alphonso's martinium

'I've got a good idea! Let's take everything out and start from scratch.'

'Are you sure his hat was like that when we started?'

Louis Pasteur Looks Back: "Of course I'm very pleased with pasteurized milk, but naming a wine or beer after me would have been a lot more charismatic."

'. . . And I'm taking the lab rats with me!'

"How am I going to put in a new tape?"

Elf on the Top Shelf

'I went from happy meals to happy hours.'

Mice-Maze Lab. Hey, no using Mapquest!

They put their hands under me so I'll blow hot air. They put their hands under me so I'll run water. You don't want to know what they put in front of me so I'll flush.

Campaign. And now I'd like to introduce the other half of the ticket! That's very risky. He's running with scissors.

"The particle physicists get all the chicks."

Can you make a pink squirrel? Make a pink squirrel do what, exactly?