Message Monitor Prints

"Don't read it! He's phishing."

"If I've got no messages how do I know I even EXIST!"

'Today the stock market was moribund, as growth equities sputtered and bonds dipped due to the inverted yield curve. I'd translate that into layman's terms...but they don't pay me enough.'

"I'm away from my desk right now..."

The end is near - well, at least for the sandwich board guy.

"It's a pizza leaflet..."

'My son is studying communications in college. He never writes, calls, texts, or emails his parents.'

'Yes, it IS a powerful message....but we're selling dental floss.'

Please examine your children's tv before they watch it as mistakes can not afterwards be rectified

''The Medium is the Message' - now available in/on stone tablet, clay tablet, wax tablet, papyrus, paperback, hardback, audiotape, video, CD, DVD, ipad, iphone, android and also as a whole body tattoo.'

'With the mobile version of your site, you can check your messages while chasing an ambulance.'

'Not more junk mail!'

UN observer - 'The election was free and fair, but terribly unsophisticated - No spin, no vote recounts, no dirty tricks!'

Letter to God

'These new electronic tags are fantastic, they really make it possible for managers to keep track.'

"Thank goodness I was getting my share prices confused with my resting heart rate."

Your Message Here.

Message in a Bottle: Have a Nice Day

'It's from a couple of poor slobs on another island.'

"Disgraceful! A message in a bottle -- in a PLASTIC bottle, if you please!"

Go Away Tee Shirt

Uses of a Dead Cat in History: 'It's got a message, Master. . .but I don't think we should touch it.'

Last chance for public relations next exit...next PR- 87 miles

Debbie attaches her husband to a proprietary dream monitor to make sure he doesn't cheat on her in his sleep.

Who wrote that?

'You may have already won...more to come.'

'This has been floating around for a long time -- it's from Jacques Cousteau!'

'Please return this bottle to the National Oceanic & Atmospheric Administration. It is part of a scientific study.'

Bottle bank giving loans to a man on a desert island.

Ooh, tell them I said "hi."

'It's for you.'

Jail cell answering machine: We are unable to take your call right now. Please leave a message...

"I don't want my kid watching sick and hateful crap day by day!"

'Oh Charles! I didn't think you were in. I have something important to tell you and I wanted to leave a message.'

Smoke signal Inc: 'Local...long distance.'