Melody Critic Prints

"Coming up... more of the same mindless pop songs with repetitive lyrics and nauseating melodies!"

No Elgar!

"I guess someone got up on the wrong side of the podium today."

"I like his earlier work better, particularly the ones I said I didn't like at the time."

"New studies show that the so-called 'lucky man' made popular by the prog-rock band Emerson, Lake and Palmer was, in fact, just very well-connected."

"The guy who wrote 'The Frog Chorus' is sounding kinda croaky."

A lady playing piano and a man talking to her

Elvis fan holding a sign reading 'NOT MY KING'.

"Of course I'm going to give him a tip - he should take lessons!"

"I'm astounded that your dog is channeling Eubie Blake! Has he never heard of Elton John?"

'What was the first music they ever said 'this isn't even music' about?'

'Horace spends his spare time being a rock critic.'

The Music Critic.

Pub. This is John. He also loves obscure bands until they're popular then hates them. The Druidiots. Luckies. 50 ale.

"This next song is about narrow-minded record executives and their reluctance to take a chance on anything a bit different."

Philip Larkin

Mega-Corp Pictures. This film will tell a story about Frederick the Great censuring one of his favorite musicians. "The Empire Strikes Bach"!

"You play that song once more and I'll break both your hands!"

A singer being criticised

'I hate these purists who play Bach without any pedal'

Snake Eats the Snake Charmer.

"Brothers, what we do in life echoes in eternity, if only through the lyrics of a Coldplay song!"

"I don't do spells. I'm a wizard at deciphering rap lyrics."

"Nice, but not Pavarotti''

Pianist being pelted with tomatoes.

"What do you mean, who are my influences?"

The New York Times-Carnegie Hall Poll

Focus Groupies

'Like the judges, he's turned his chair around to concentrate on the singing.'

"It's witless, repetitive, and irritating. It's great!"

Taylor Swift caricature

"I'm composing a song for the new administration. It's entitled, 'Hell to the chief'."

Young Simon Cowell

Smashed harp...

"'50 Shades of Grey?' - Oh you mean the 'Guide to Modern Music...'"