Meeting Maestro T-Shirts

"I'll pause for a moment so you can let this information sink in."

"Before we begin this family meeting, how about we go around and say our names and a little something about ourselves."

Communication Breakdowns

"Any questions?"

'Excellent meeting. I loved the quick fixes, the simple solutions, and the easy answers.'

"We need to rethink our strategy of hoping the Internet will just go away."

'Before our principal addresses the faculty, there's something important that has to be said.'

"I'll wait a moment for everyone's energy drink to kick in."

"Who called this meeting again?"

Plain English group.

'Let's begin our meeting. . . everybody talk, nobody listen.'

"When I said to convince him of the need for change I was hoping you'd use the seductive power of reason and logic."

BMA told to radically overhaul communications.

"I know we didn't accomplish anything, but that's what meetings are for."

'But before we move on, allow me to belabor the point even further...'

'Now this is exactly what I was referring to when I talked about 'scope creep'.'

'Just measuring your job performance...'

'The good news is, profits are up 74%, the bad news is, we don't know why.'

"The report is damning about the lack of strong leadership... I think we need to table some time to consider the option of setting up a policy sub-commitee to look at our options..."

'Why do it the easy way when you can do it the right way?'

'OK, all those in favour of delegating decision-making, shrug your shoulders.'

"Eddie, my favourite rep - you've got three minutes."

Chinese Whispers In The Boardroom

'Therefore, I recommend that we do.'

'That's it, in a nutshell.'

"How's my presentation? Call 1-800-..."

'They've been like this ever since Mary presented her report. It's the worst case of paralysis by analysis I've ever seen!'

'Who wants to work late again, raise your hands.'

'Here's where you give me non-comprehending nods of approval.'

"I'm afraid 'It's a surprise', doesn't cut it as a growth strategy."

'I'm feeling a sense of conclusion here, so let's draw things to a close.'

"Let's go back to the scenario in which none of this is my fault."

'And from what we've been able to determine, this is the tweak that broke the paradigm's back.'

'Before we get started, let's go around the table and practice making eye contact.'

"OK, let's hear it. But I'm warning you, it better not be another one of your half-baked ideas."