Meditation Maven Pillows

'If only I could accept that I can't accept being someone who finds it hard to accept acceptance from those who accept me for the person that I can't accept I really am.'

"Are you not thinking what I'm not thinking?"

Unguided imagery

'Psst! I just realised something... I'm hella bored.'

The perils of group meditation...

'Becoming enlightened fifteen minutes before I did doesn't EITHER give you seniority!'

'You'll find it very peaceful up here, except for the occasional meteor.'

"That's the Ommbudsman."

"Teach a man to fish, and he'll know how to fish."

Workaholics Anonymous

"We'll now take a minute for silent meditation."

Mindfulness

'Well, I don't WANT to become one with any Universe that HE'S one with!'

Guru.

'If you're serious about becoming enlightened, you'll have to open your mouth and shut your eyes.'

'If you want to attain true inner peace, you'll have to stop meditating about the Kama Sutra.'

'I just found out that our credit union is illusory!'

"So, you're the new guy. My sources tell me you bring a lot to the mat."

"I said 'follow,' not stalk your bliss!"

"Behold the secret to happiness."

Where your mind & battle are los

"... and I have a follow-up question regarding rawhide."

Counting ribs

'The creative process works best with a relaxed brain, so I'm letting my mind wander to let a solution drift in.'

"Do you guys serve beer?"

Thinking Gears

"Break his third chakra!" "Knock the dharma out of him!"

"I want him to have the serenity to accept the things he can't pee on, the patience to pee on the things he can outside, and the wisdom to know the difference." "But I'll probably just take him to a trainer."

'Take two tablets the moment you begin to feel indispensable.'

Dog yoga

'I've learned a lot about myself at these meetings...like, I can fall asleep with my eyes open!'

'You're through around here.. turn in your rubber donut!'

"Ooh, ooh, I know this koan! I got it! Pick me! Pick me!"

Be Healthy

"Could you go back to the front desk? The receptionist has some forms for you to fill out."