Medicine Maverick Pillows

"Do a double-blind test. Give the new drug to rich patients and a placebo to the poor. No sense getting their hopes up. They couldn't afford it even if it works."

'Let's skip the anesthetic. I study yoga so I think I can transcend-dental-medication.'

Finally! A cure for the common cold!

'Just jam one of these pills as far down his throat as you can, 3 times a day.'

'And just where did you study medicine?'

"Me, not self-sufficient? Who was it who self-published a self-help on self-medicating?"

'You say he DRANK the blue lotion I left last time, and felt better right away?'

'This alternative doctor of yours better be good!'

Chicken soup is in an intravenous drip.

'I keep forgetting... is it 'Starve a fever and feed a cold' or 'feed a fever and starve a cold'?'

'Ever since I had a disease named after me, people seem to keep their distance.'

"This is called Grandma's Old Fashion Cold Capsules. Don't chew them, but if you do, it tastes like chicken soup."

The Big Book of Really Hard Surgery

Employee won't think about work outside of box

'...and now, Gentlemen, we come to our final lecture in advanced cardiology...'

MEDICAL SCHOOL, 'I didn't know you COULD specialize in insurance.'

"Hurry, stop him!" (Dog running off with bone from man's x-ray).

'Not feeling well? Don't be silly - your EKG has outperformed the Dow.'

"Nurse, when I asked you to make the patient more comfortable I just meant plump up his pillows!"

"The only good news this year, gentlemen, is our massive bonuses."

Sign in doctors office - Malpractice Makes Perfect.

"That's a big fat lie!"

'Veins...arteries...I told you I can never tell one from another.'

'How about a little smile for me. You've outlived my prediction!'

'A little more relaxant I think, nurse.'

Health Care Crisis table.

'I like to think of the common bile duct as the gateway to the Bahamas.

'Frank is into D.I.Y...'Destroy It Yourself'!'

"We can give you enough medication to alleviate the pain, but not enough to make it fun."

"I give up. Where's the patient?'

'I'm a practical nurse! -- I know better than to listen to doctors!'

These drug will cost you an arm and a leg...the good news is, my wife and I own stock in the company that makes them.

'No Mis Evans. You know only substitute teachers are allowed to carry taser guns!'

'In the doctor's defense, there have been no serious post operative complications.'

Locum GP's to be paid for extra work on the BMA agreement