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Myth Diagnosis

'Personally I take all these programmes with a pinch of salt.'

'Is there another doctor in the house? He wants a second opinion.'

"Nice try, Jim, but there's no such thing as a 'Beer cleanse'."

"Your test results are in...now the interpretations can begin."

"They say that 'laughter is the best medicine', which is great because your health plan doesn't cover the real stuff!"

'There's nothing wrong with him-just delusions of glandular.'

'Where exactly did you get this 'Lifestyle Guru' from?'

"He's so anti-regulation he won't even take a laxative."

"I thought I'd give Western medicine one more chance."

'Frank, leak to the tabloids that these slow moving broccoli flakes cure cancer.'

'Look, half the work is done! All you need to do is fill in the top part so we can legally say the bottom part.'

I'm going to switch you to a new medication that does more advertising.

Doctor to overweight patient: 'I assure you, stomach stapling is quite routine these days.'

"Hiya, hiya, hiya, guy. I'm the bluebird of Prozac."

"It turns out our health plan does cover eyeglasses."

"Whoa! Now I remember. This was one of the possible side effects on the label."

The council wanted us to have a Healthy Lifestyle Monitor

'Gee, Doc - couldn't you just use a rubber mallet to check my reflexes?'

"Are you sure you don't want to try just one miracle drug before you die?"

"I'll let you in on a little secret -- every pill on these shelves is a placebo, and I have no formal training."

"In a nutshell Mr. Beesley, you have hypochondria."

'Your employer's health plan automatically cancels your coverage once you get sick.'

"Your insurance company decided the heart surgery isn't necessary, but they said they'd approve breast augmentation."

"Firstly, have you ever had an appendix out before?"

'Why is there a 'Like' button but no 'Despise' button?'

"Son, I’d say the ACL tear is the least of your problems."

"And if Ooh, Eeh, Ooh Ah Ah doesn't work, we'll try Walla Walla Bing Bang."

'Coins, when swallowed, cause cancer. Perhaps money should be banned.'

"Your medical insurance doesn't cover 'Acts of God' like illness"

'Mrs. Tomkins says her prescription has no side effects, so it can't be doing her any good.'

"I suggest you take these pills on an empty stomach."

'Can I trust a Doctor whose prescriptions have absolutely no side effects?'

"As far as I can tell, meditation is just worrying minus the content."

Man robbed by medical center.