Medical Politics Pillows

'It's a brand new state-of-the-art waiting room.'

'ooh! A womb with a view.'

'Oh, well... Accidents will happen.'

'Time for your pills.'

"I'm sorry, Chuckles. We had to remove your funny bone."

Jesus Christ, Health Insurance CEO

Infected Macron

"The x-rays came back, and — I'm sorry, but we found a very large attachment."

'I'm having my colon checked.'

'You're going to have to give up painting ceilings, Michelangelo !'

A football game appears on the operating theatres monitor instead of the patients heartbeat.

"He detects disease."

Profits for Big Pharma

Government looks for new targets over GPs pay

'Thanks for leaving that sponge in me, Doc. Now I can drink twice as much wine.'

Celebration in operating theatre.

'Your prescription is ready. How would you like to finance it?'

"I'm sorry, Doctor, when you said benign growth, I thought you were referring to my husband."

"Uh, try unplugging him, then plugging him back in."

"This patient must be really rich! He brought back the most extravagant illnesses from exotic holiday spots."

Healthy Eating Casualties

Surgery is to be encouraged to set up food banks

'Can't talk now, I'm just going into a tunnel.'

'Due to cutbacks on your insurance plan, your visits to Dr. Phil are no longer covered. You'll have to start seeing Physician's Assistant Phil.'

When he got the wrong medication, no one would own up to it. They were real good at covering their own butts.

Cause of death: Just one of those things.

'You say the pains in my left leg are caused by old age. But doctor my right leg is just as old and it doesn't hurt at all!'

"...and the good news is Mr Watkins, your keyhole surgery was a complete success"

'Give Mr. Fogarty his testosterone injection, Nurse, and then run like the dickens!'

'Who's your next of kin? When did you last eat or drink? Do you have any allergies? Are you wearing clean underpants?'

Playing doctor: 'This time I get to play the HMO bureaucrat who decides if you live or die.'

Amusing patients: Photocopier burns

Warning: Contents may settle over time.

National Institute for Health and Clinical Excellence.

'Mr. Figgs - any door with doctor on it - knock-go in-smile-sit down-poor out your woes.'