Medical Journal Collector Prints

"That's strange. We don't have any back issues of the Chriopractic Journal."

'Is there another doctor in the house? He wants a second opinion.'

Lactose Intolerant

"Oh great, the printer is down."

"Drop everything, Dominic. I need you to proof this for blasphemy."

"Oh, Oh, Oooohh!"

What the patient heard and what the doctor meant to convey.

"I'd like to approve a second opinion but your HMO considers that experimental medicine."

'Hey, this guy's been operated on before!'

Dermatology: Journal of Itchcraft.

'Here's an interesting article. 'Cold or Seasonal Allergy?''

"You have a heart murmur and I'm starting to hear your liver and kidneys complain."

Traffic Jam

'Well...all right...go ahead.'

'It's a medical miracle. According to your notes you should have been dead years ago!'

"I'm Dr. Fenton. I'll be performing your microsurgery today."

"With company-wide layoffs imminent I realized it was a matter of self-preservation."

"It's a straightforward operation, but there can be complications such as; growing wings and wearing a halo."

Constitution of the United States (First Draft)

"Oh, those aren't my diplomas – they're my medical malpractice attorney's."

Hospital. Does your foot fall asleep in that position? On the contrary, it was up all night.

'I'm going to exaggerate the seriousness of your illness...It'll make you feel better.'

'This is a pick 'n' mix ward - you choose your own medicine.'

"Your heart is OK, but after all the tests we ran, your bank may need a transplant."

"You've omitted your previous patient experience and recommendations from two other doctors."

"Feel free to imagine you might have any of the conditions you read about in the magazines."

'What do you recommend for the collecting bug?'

"It's probably nothing..."

Dr. Smith Fear, Nose and Throat. Oh my!! You should be scared to death, Frank!

'It all started over who had the bigger medical file.'

'Dr Yomp's laxatives works for you, and loosens up the slots at the casino!'

'I'm sorry, but there are now 16,000 medical jounals, and I no longer have time to see any patients.'

'What the... there's the gold earring I lost when we did his triple bypass four years ago.'

'I'm afraid neither your insurance nor your immune system will cover it.'

Fracture Clinic