Medical Journal Collector Prints

"That's strange. We don't have any back issues of the Chriopractic Journal."

'Is there another doctor in the house? He wants a second opinion.'

Lactose Intolerant

"Oh great, the printer is down."

"Drop everything, Dominic. I need you to proof this for blasphemy."

"Oh, Oh, Oooohh!"

What the patient heard and what the doctor meant to convey.

"I'd like to approve a second opinion but your HMO considers that experimental medicine."

'Hey, this guy's been operated on before!'

Dermatology: Journal of Itchcraft.

'Here's an interesting article. 'Cold or Seasonal Allergy?''

"You have a heart murmur and I'm starting to hear your liver and kidneys complain."

Traffic Jam

"With company-wide layoffs imminent I realized it was a matter of self-preservation."

"I'm Dr. Fenton. I'll be performing your microsurgery today."

'Well...all right...go ahead.'

'It's a medical miracle. According to your notes you should have been dead years ago!'

"It's a straightforward operation, but there can be complications such as; growing wings and wearing a halo."

Constitution of the United States (First Draft)

'This is a pick 'n' mix ward - you choose your own medicine.'

"Oh, those aren't my diplomas – they're my medical malpractice attorney's."

'I'm going to exaggerate the seriousness of your illness...It'll make you feel better.'

"Your heart is OK, but after all the tests we ran, your bank may need a transplant."

"You've omitted your previous patient experience and recommendations from two other doctors."

'It all started over who had the bigger medical file.'

"Feel free to imagine you might have any of the conditions you read about in the magazines."

"It's probably nothing..."

'Dr Yomp's laxatives works for you, and loosens up the slots at the casino!'

'What do you recommend for the collecting bug?'

'I'm sorry, but there are now 16,000 medical jounals, and I no longer have time to see any patients.'

'I'm afraid neither your insurance nor your immune system will cover it.'

Fracture Clinic

"Some like to keep them as souvenirs, some don't."