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Medical Curiosities

"Yup. Same as last time. The height of stupidity."

"Your test results are in...now the interpretations can begin."

'Well, none of the other options worked, so we installed a power cord on him -- if he starts going haywire again just unplug him and wait 30 seconds.'

"Geoffrey's a bit worried about lyme disease."

Hypochodriac worrying about his heart.

'Your test results are in - and here's a first, the Lab Techs have asked to meet you.'

"Hiya, hiya, hiya, guy. I'm the bluebird of Prozac."

'Gee, Doc - couldn't you just use a rubber mallet to check my reflexes?'

"Do you have a family history of this condition?"

"Whoa! Now I remember. This was one of the possible side effects on the label."

'When you suggest that I might want the second, third, or even the forth opinion...are you saying my condition is THAT bad?!'

'I have this constant ringing in my ears. I think I have tinnitus.' - 'Does it sound like an 'eeeeeee' or a 'shhhhh'?' - 'It's like the murmer of a thousand forgotten souls quietly lamenting past sorrows.' - 'Hmmm. I don't have a checkbox for that, sadly.

'Well, at least we were able to remove that pesky hangnail. So, you have to be pretty stoked about that."

'Luckily you caught it in time while you're still alive to sue.'

'We operated just in time. Another two days and you have got better on your own.'

"You have twenty eight days to live."

'The medical society says yes, the hospital says maybe and his lawyer says no.'

"Actually that's not the cause of your persistent headaches."

"Your tests look normal, but that's what the disease wants us to think."

You're going to give me a hay fever shot? Shouldn't I be getting an anti hay fever shot?

'Well I'm blowed if I know what any of this means!'

"I'm telling you, Hutchins. It's 'Feed a fever. Starve a cold.'"

Plastic Surgery

"He has a pretty rare blood group."

'Now this quack wants me to see a specialist- what the hell is a PATHOLOGIST'

I don't know what it is, but it's a textbook case of something.

"I've heard laughter is the best medicine."

'Oh my god... oh my god...'

"We might be dealing with something a little more serious than Bird flu here."

"By golly, that is a nasty rash...but I'm actually a Doctor of Philosophy!"

'That's one ugly side effect'!

"I see that cream doesn't seem to be working..."

Intensive Care in the Community

'I couldn't get the cap off the prescription bottle. What did you die of?'