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"Don't - they'll just spend it on drugs."

"She's fine. She just needs some tofu."

Lady taking her little dog to the chemist with a cough

"And when the canyon fills up, that's it; herd immunity."

2021

A female patient in an exam room sees a sign that reads, 'Break glass in case of physician burnout'

"Boy, am I glad they finally hired more staff!"

"Everyone at Megadrug is committed to the benefits of spoken therapies, which is why we developed 'nitrazone' to enhance the experience."

"Do you want to pretend to be a doctor and I'll pretend to be a hotshot civil litigation attorney who sues you till your ears bleed?"

'Medical school's been more challenging since the cadavers turned into zombies.'

"I don't think you're getting enough stress."

"Okay, now breathe another sigh of relief."

"His first out-of-body experience."

"Now, how can I be of assistance?"

"It does have a side effect. You'll faint when I tell you how much it will cost to produce."

'Honey, I wish you wouldn't bring your work home with you!'

"Don't be embarrassed. Most heroic archetypes your age have lost the ability to swashbuckle."

"Waiting for the vaccine launch."

vaccine wars.

"I’ve tried to make this as painless as possible ... clearly I’ve failed."

"If you don't want stitches, that's fine. Suture self."

'OK, the old one's in my right hand, the donor's in my left. Rght?'

'I checked the database, Mrs. Nimitz. There's no such symptom.'

"Don't worry, they normally look like little humans during the early scans."

"I've done this procedure so often I could do it in my sleep. But that's only happened twice – that I'll admit to."

'Is there another doctor in the house? He wants a second opinion.'

'You're overdue for your checkup.'

'Goodness, no Doctor, my husband is not calling you any insulting names. He's a duck and that's the only word he knows.'

"Let me assure you that my congressional delegation and I are devoting our full attention to the harmful effects of e-cigarettes. . ."

Doctor describes inside guts while patient has black thoughts.

"Unfortunately, your son swallowed a great deal of industrial adhesive. But don't worry: Epoxy can be cured."

A midwife holding a baby

"And as soon as he's on the mend,we'll get the physiotherapist in here with a ball of twine."

Man is stopped from entering doctor's surgery by a receptionist dressed as a bouncer.

Captain Ahab searched for a vaccine.