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Monkey Business College

'I hope you're not threatened by powerful women, because you're fired.'

"The good news is you’re the only one we’re not firing ... the bad news is you’re the only one to run the department."

"I'm afraid 'It's a surprise', doesn't cut it as a growth strategy."

'Hmph. College kids.'

Spot the difference.

"If we can just get beyond this 'I'm the boss' mentality and concentrate on a simple 'What I say goes' outlook, I think this will all work out."

"So then the VP of Sales looks right at me and says 'Larry, what's going on? We don't have any traction in the market.' Like it's MY fault!"

"No training period, but you can purchase my instructional video on line for $49.95."

Sign - Halt manager crossing

'We haven't improved quality, but we've made it easier to return.'

'An exxpert team set up a team of special consultants, that then set up a committee whose members asked their 7 year old kids. Now 14 months later they've concluded we're not efficient enough.'

"Imagine if only 1/2 the companies that claimed to have a great culture actually did."

Buisnessman Of The Hour - I'd like to introduce our guest but he is 45 minutes late

'Our problem is how to lower quality while raising prices...'

"It lost a little something in translation."

"Has anyone mentioned that you're management now, …… You don't get overtime."

'We're all right as long as they think we're taking millions.'

'He bowed lower for me than for you.'

Finally I understand why it's called 'Higher Education!'

"That's a very difficult problem to address, Ted, could you restate it as a solution?"

Economy Slows: 'It's still too fast for me.'

'Remember, my door is always open Higgins, just be careful of the trap door.'

'Now, if you would all put on your glasses, we'll get a glimpse of our profits in 3D.'

"I know we're not lions, but let's call ourselves a pride anyway."

'If we hadn't outsourced the staff, we could've eaten them.'

High Noon at the O.K. Staff Meeting

'He insists on being a part of the corporate pipeline.'

'We raised the price, so at least as far as we're concerned it's new and improved.'

"I wouldn't stand there, if I were you."

"Your records indicate a great deal of early promise however you've apparently become old and bald."

"However, we're doing rather well, according to uninformed sources."

Personally, I always had a feeling we'd land on our feet.

'I hate to let you go, Haskins, but I'm getting a larger car and I need more parking space.'

'Whenever they discuss trickle-down economics, I have to go to the bathroom.'