Maturity Transition T-Shirts

'I must be getting older. I tried to make an adorable remark to mom yesterday, and it came out all smart-alecky.'

The fate of the emigrant

'For your information, I am engaging the energy of change and complexity to create the future I desire.'

"You're not the same pupa you were when we first met."

"So, what do you do for play?"

Middle Age: When you finally get your head together, and your body starts to fall apart!

"I'm here for the hair."

"Good news, honey - seventy is the new fifty."

'Isn't it time you started thinking about cars instead of horsie rides?'

"Your mother and I want to make your 21st birthday a moving experience. We'll help you pack."

'Chicken soup for dummies who don't sweat the small stuff.'

"My once perky chicken breasts hang like flapjacks, I don't lay eggs anymore, I'm burning up with hot flashes, I'm...."

"Hon, I'm taking your advice and starting a new chapter."

"It's a coming-of-middle-age story."

"Just when I’ve reconciled the fact that I’m in my 40s, my 50th birthday shows up."

"The nest may be empty, but our drinks are full."

Menopause and the City

"From Zero To Sixty In What Seems Like Eight Seconds Flat."

Doubt or Certainy

Three years ago during a special episode of the Ask Sadie™ show, our resident octogenarian asked readers for advice about how she could deal with her midlife crisis. You should try a radical makeover. When I hit midlife, I dyed my hair, got some tattoos, and dropped 75 pounds. My husband barely recognized me when he returned from overseas. He was not happy with my "new self," so I divorced him rather than change who I'd become. It was the best decision I'd made since I cut my thieving mother out

"I see myself rising through the ranks of the organization until midlife, when I will most likely hit a wall and go screaming through the door."

"Junior's moved back home! It took him less than a week to work out that the grass is not always greener on the other side..."

Pubertry

'So push has come to shove...'

"The kids - Prince Englebert and Princess Felicia - would like us to move into the olde monarchs' home."

Women

You're only young once but apparently there's no limit on childish. (Published originally on January 15, 2008.)

PastFuture.

Middle age anxiety about leaving the house.

"I didn't start seriously accessorizing until my mid-thirties."

A Classicist Considers Taking Up The Mambo

"Yesterday we're caterpillars, today this. Can't wait to see what's next."

"Just be happy you're getting in, worry about your hair later."

"Hello, I'm the bluebird of quiet resignation."

"To tell you the truth, I never thought downward mobility would be so, well, downward."