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Math Jokes

Time and money on a seesaw are equals.

67 79 97. I thought they'd be more vigorous. I said they're "primes," not "in their prime." 30.

'You've got bats alright...now we'll just have to determine what kind.'

"Oh, stop it. You are not at all obtuse." Complimentary angles make the other angles feel good about themselves.

When Love In The Laboratory Turns Sour.

"I got ninety-nine problems, but a birch ain't one!"

Kick Me! (sign on an anthropomorphized soccer ball)

"Ugh! They always spell my name wrong?"

"Igor, you fool! I said 'healthy brain'!"

"Tell me why you think people are out to get you."

The Contrarian funds

"Why do parishioners only eat half their donuts???" "Partial indulgence."

"Sometimes I bark at nothing."

"You sure you don't want any Pi?"

"We're a pharmaceutical company. We should be getting 'pharm' subsidies."

Ask Mister Buck: Financial Expert. "Dear Mister Buck, Is it true that 'money talks'?" Yes, and it drowns out everything else!

Unknown historical typos: Isaac Newton presser, 1687

'I had a very unhappy egghood....'

"No, I'm not a hare, I just happen to have big ears..."

Gas station

Psychologist Birthdays

'I don't know if you're a mathematician but my wife's not happy with her Poisson distribution.'

"I'm not that kind of pro-Bono lawyer."

"The real question is do you really need a cracker?"

Claude

...Isolated clumps of strange matter pop briefly out of the quantum foam to debate the possible existence of particle physicists.

"Can you give me some sort of metaphor for how you're feeling?"

People who understand Venn diagrams

"EINSTEIN! Stop fooling around and pay attention...."

'My mom says an apple a day keeps the physician's assistant away.'

'There's been no confirmation, but the possible merger of two giants has sent stock prices soaring.'

"Hmmmm. I'll bluff. Then they'll counter-bluff, so if I counter-counter-bluff...password should do it."

'I've been experiencing a lot of deja moo.'

Psychiatry. Your disorientation is number 2248 in my psychiatry manual. You mean my daze is numbered?