Market Researcher T-Shirts

"Are we speaking to Mr Duck or Mr Rabbit?"

When Focus Group Researchers Go Head to Head

"87% of the 56% who completed more than 23% of the survey thought it was a complete waste of time."

Manufacturing will take place in China...So what role does Europe have?...you borrow money to be the customer

SURVEYS-R-US: "87% of the 56% who completed more than 23% of the survey thought it was a waste of time."

"Yeah, everyone agrees on the numbers, but nobody knows what they mean."

The focus group hated it. So he showed it to an out-of-focus group.

'There's never an option that reflects exactly what I want to say.'

How often do you answer random questions?

'We need a bit more science in our market surveys.'

"I'm going to bombard you with graphs until you agree with me."

'And how satisfied are you with the facilities? 1 very satisfied, 2 satisfied but with some reservations, 3...'

"Our scientists say it would be a public health hazard, but market research shows it would sell like hot cakes - what do you think?"

'In a Washington economic summit, a panel of three economists offered two dozen opinions about the direction of global economics.'

'Great! So I'll run these by the focus groups and see how they go over.'

'How would you rate the treatment you received from your HMO? Poor, fair, good, excellent?'

The client would prefer fewer open-ended questions.

Random sample.

'Today's consumer has new priorities, and it's our job to tell them what those priorities are...'

'My opinion? Are you sure I'm supposed to have one?'

"...and this chart shows people clearly prefer bar graphs to pie charts."

'As you can see the market forecast is quite loopy in the next quarter.'

'We'll be relying on three sources of raw data ? direct mail, phone survey, and Eddie in the mail room.'

'It's an internet survey asking if there are too many internet surveys.'

"Now at this point reality intruded."

This is Mr Smith from Big Data Mining. He says he's found an insight.

'Washrooms are down the hall.'

'And finally question fifty, Do you ever feel like killing someone?'

'The GOOD news is that we've identified our target market, the bad news is that his name is Kevin and he lives with his mother.'

Customer Complaints - "Thank you, Thompson, for collecting the statistics."

Clancy:Survey Question

'In a dramatic reversal, economists now believe that leading economic indicators are now lagging economic indicators.'

'The opinions expressed by Mrs Latimore are her own, and do not necessarily reflect those of Mr Latimore.'

'Contrary to popular opinion, most people's opinions aren't so popular.'

"Essentially people find cat's cuter"