Marital Mocker Pillows

"If marriage is so great how come you never hear about simulated marriage?"

The Adventures of God

The Nihilist Deli.

"The beatings will continue until the morale improves!"

'Are you sure it's non-drowsy? I cannot afford to oversleep...'

"If I'd known, I would've changed my vows to; Until bald and fat do we part."

'Please excuse my nurse -- this is her first day on the job.'

'Is this what you're looking for, dear?'

Mountain escalator.

"I hate her snoring, especially during sex."

'How much is that yuppy in the window?'

"What are you doing in the box? You're meant to be in the dog house"

'Sorry, I don't carry cash, I'm married!'

"I like your paperweight, Watkins..."

Fishermen catch a fish paint a 'No Fishing' sign.

Arrogant OAP.

'For better or worse, for richer or for poorer, in sickness and in health, until you wish you were dead?'

"I wouldn't usually say, 'she's always copying me' is grounds for divorce."

Members only.

'The cross doesn't affect him. Let's try with a Star of David.'

'My wife's made you homeless!'

Freak Show

'The reality is, if you should go on one of those shows, I doubt that TV viewers would accept you any better than I do!'

"Nope, haven't seen him."

'Hmm...needs refining.'

"My Mother was right. She told me when I was eighteen, that if I married him it wouldnt last!"

'Go on then, leave, I don't care. I knew when we got married you was a nutcase...'

'I'm sorry, but I just think our lifelong friendship was built on being next to each other alphabetically, and now that I've married, well...'

Yoga Trash Talk

Under new management.

"Due to a technical fault I shall not be making love this evening."

"You never listen to a word I think."

'You can't fire me. I fired you.'

"Do you Dennis, promise to love, honour and pay child support?.."

Jesus' bones.