Manuscript Reader Prints

'How do I know this manuscript is 'fiction' and not just 'misinformation'?'

"Bah, I could've written a better dénouement in my sleep."

"Oh great, the printer is down."

"No—You're thinking dog years—Editor years are twice as many."

"It's about the murder of an editor who refuses to publish a writer's work..."

"For just one monkey in front of one typewriter you've come up with some amazing stuff."

"Drop everything, Dominic. I need you to proof this for blasphemy."

'Fyodor Dostoevsky sends weeks describing Alexy Karamazov's quest for a white whale, and then discards the entire chapter."

"Moby Richard by Herman Melville" "Wonderful! Not sure about the title—let's discuss editor."

"By God, for a minute there it suddenly all made sense!"

Editor.

'You can't reject my manuscript without due process!'

"There's the pressure from my public, naturally, as well as the pressure from my publisher, my agent, and all that. But the real pressure comes from that devil inside that makes me different from other men, that makes me a writer. But, of course, you know all about pressure, grinding out those papers at Sarah Lawrence."

'Thank god for the spellchecker!'

Publisher to writer: 'It was a great read, except I collided with run-on sentences, tripped over broken English and got knocked about by a dangling participle.'

Maternity ward.

"We do not usually acknowledge unsolicited manuscripts, but we want you to know that we tore yours into tiny pieces. Yours sincerely, The Op-Ed Page."

Man has thrown his computer aside and is writing on a typewriter.

"Your book stinks—we want to publish it."

A monk illustrates a manuscript with emojis

'Look on it as... constructive criticism.'

"I just want to say thanks for getting me into this writing group."

Proceedings of the club

'Your new book is full of mistakes: the critics will have a field day.'

Rubbish, Poppycock, Balderdash

"We'll publish your book, doctor, but we'll have to get a second opinion."

"See, that's the problem with you new breed. You take rejection too personally."

Manual Labor.

"Right here is where you lost the narrative flow."

'You will write a book, but it won't be on Oprah's recommended list.'

'Your manuscript was delicious.'

"Here it is - my novel. I'll be interested to hear your compliments."

"It doesn't work as a novel. But we're willing to publish it as a desk calendar."