Management Musings Lover Mugs

Louie's win-loss record in no-win situations: wins, zero...losses, 92

"Peter's Joint Head of Communications."

"Who gave you permission to ask for a raise?"

'I'm delegating everything but my paycheck and my snazzy office to you.'

Go slow delegating authority. First learn how to delegate blame.

'It's easy, Greg. Just get in touch with your inner regional sales manager.'

The little engine that could delegate.

Subordinate Employee

I kicked him upstairs to Diaz, Diaz kicked him over to Fennelson, and Fennelson evidently kicked him out the window.

'It's signed by the entire office. You're not too popular areound here, are you?'

Leadership Training

"I'm cutting out a complete layer of management."

The little engine that delegated

'Sir, you inaugural speech is simply wonderful. I would just suggest you say 'dear employees' instead of 'hey, you bunch of lousy slaves'.'

"What can we do about this leadership course,,," "I don't know,what do you think" "Isn't there anyone we could ask"

'Don't let anyone in without an appointment, and don't give anyone an appointment.'

'We don't have an opening at the moment, but if you'll wait one minute...'

'He always has your back - - - but it's mostly to step on.'

'We've decided to upgrade your position with a new version 2.0 employee.'

'It's important that I see eye-to-eye with any consultants we bring in.'

"The boss went undercover and got fired the very first day!"

"Employee satisfaction is of utmost importance and I'm not leaving this chair till you are satisfied."

"You have no idea how political this place is."

'I'm sorry, but there's just no room in the budget for upward mobility... We're all making sacrifices...After all, I haven't been promoted in over twenty years.'

Company Structure - Boss and his yes men.

'Do you want to talk to the man in charge or the woman that knows what's going on?'

He was the kind of boss who evoked extreme emotions.

"This is Bernard, our new management consultant. He is going to be responsible for draining the lifeblood out of staff in a relentless attempt to reach increasingly unachievable and meaningless targets."

'This breed can smell incompetence.'

"As my CV says, my approach to project management is of course "the carrot or the stick"..."

'This is so much easier than getting volunteers.'

'The company is losing millions and the press are asking questions. Gentlemen,we're looking for a scapegoat.'

"I'm looking for someone who's qualified to cover my mistakes."

What is the difference between a boss and a leader?

"In this office I'm the dog and you are the sheep! When I bark, you move!"