Malt Marvel Pillows

"I'm prescribing your husband a double dose of malt whiskey, to be taken twice every evening."

"Try this new IPA I just finished. Let me know if the malts and hops are layered like last week's batch." "Bailey was a really 'good boy'."

'There are shortcuts to making home brew, but taking a swig of malt extract and letting it ferment in your mouth isn't one of them.'

"Tell me, do you own a mallet with a rubber shaft?"

'What's this? You're suing me because the prescribed medication made you 'irrationally exuberant' in a down market?'

'At milking time, I just love the soft hands of the new young farm hand: A nice change from old farmer John's...'

The Gong

'Well, Dear, the doctor did say there could be side effects to those pills!'

"Is it just me, or is it humid up here?"

Alpine Pipe

"Yes, I'm the Cowardly Lion, and I want a double shot of single malt courage for the Yellow Brick Road."

You are now leaving Echo Valley - please call again!

What if he could be 'churned' to the dark side?

Skiing

'I recently became a veggie.'

Penguin and polar bear watching Eskimos throw snowballs.

'What luck, Jane. There's no line at the lift.'

Tour guide: 'And there it IS folks! The start of Switzerland's spectacular snow-capped mountains!'

'It's a good thing everything is illusory - My keister hurts like crazy!'

"I feel cheated. Your medications have much more interesting side effects than mine do."

"Money or your beard!"

The mighty 'Tasman': New Zealand's largest glazier.

"We climbed three thousand feet up Mont Blanc to get that one."

Strategic Metals and Non-Strategic Metals.

'I go in there to borrow two million dollars, and they have the nerve to ask me how much I make!'

Everest summit queue...

Male Voice Choir: Tenor, Baritone and Bass

'H-m-m-mm...may cause insomnia, joint pain, nausea, dizziness, lethargy,gas, irritability, muscle ache, bloating and may nullify the initial good feeling'

'That's St Joseph. He's the patron saint of baby aspirin.'

What's in the milk today?

"I can't tell from this far away, but he's either enlightened or dead."

'This is a ten year old whisky.' 'I suppose you were too stingey to buy a new one.'

"Being a vegan should be considered an extreme sport."

Dairy Products "It must be that genetically modified stuff"

'I hate Mondays!'