Making Varsity Team T-Shirts

No big deal, but coach is posting who made varsity today. Yawn! I can wait. Sports. Tap!

"You think you can? Think again, mister. You know you can. Got that?"

Football Fans

"There will be a winning team and a losing team. Are you OK with that?"

'What distance! Pity it wasn't the hammer!'

"Did you know that when my mom played soccer, only the winner got a trophy?"

"I wanted to be a baseball player 'til I found out they send you to the showers."

"I want a top education, but don't milk me dry with school fees."

I love your enthusiasm, girls, but we're not opening a can of whoop-ANYTHING.

"Winning isn't everything, Josh. Not being the reason your team loses is everything."

'At least we don't have to accomplish anything in order to go to a bowl game.'

"I hope you're good, Charlie. I've only played a couple of times."

"Gracie, I'm proud of you. Your team lost, but you tried your best and that's all that counts."

I like what I'm seein' out there. This could be our year Wikowski.

"Hey, there's Sara, padding her college-entrance résumé!"

"And the way you kids kick ass today will speak volumes about the leaders of tomorrow you will be."

Runt! You'll never make the team. We'll see! You can't even tie your shoelace! Great technique!

'Here we go again...'

"When you put on the uniform, you surrender a part of yourself."

"We would have won if it hadn't been for the other team."

Baseball Clubhouse Pranks

'If you are not careful, son, you will be mathematically eliminated from all of the Ivy League schools.'

"We won again, and guess what? A Russian oligarch wants to buy us!"

'Virgil is on the gymnastics team.'

"Well, I thought I'd give fencing a try, but I sucked at it."

'We may be 0-10, but I think we can sue ourselves to an 8-2 record.'

"Joe and Pete, you two should be averaging way more rebounds."

'You know the rule, new guy carries the lotion.'

American footballers with numbers correlating to their size.

'He looks great in the field, but can he bat?'

Christmas Unicorn

Publish or Perish: 'Welcome to the Team. Remember, if you follow the University Motto, you'll do fine...'

'Congratulations son, you've been invited to play for the barbarians.'

'It gets to the point where fans don't respond the way they used to. You need an edge, something more...' Cougar Charlie goes public about his long-standing battle with drugs.

This scrimmage, I'll assess your individual talents. Coach. I'll be checking out each of you! Though that would have been easier