Make-up Artist T-Shirts

"You can try make-up, but you're a banana...age spots are inevitable."

"Sorry, but nobody sees Mr. Thompkins until he's had his coffee and has been seen by the special effects people."

The Toilette of Salome I - suppressed version

'Make-Up'

'You are in court today, so I've got to take you into make up.'

"Just give me a minute to put some make-up on!"

"Special effects? No, no, they filmed me first thing in the morning before I'd had a cup of coffee."

Television guests' essentials in November.

'Look - a starfish, its manager, its agent, its minders, its significant other, its make-up artist, its personal trainer, its secretary, its astrologer, its feng shui consultant...'

'Let's face it, you have more lines on your face than in the play!'

Cosmetics Dept: 'Maybe you've been using paint, when you should be using nails...'

"There! Now all you need is some sympathetic lighting."

'Did Picasso get hounded every 10 minutes?'

'Sorry, folks...but our make-up artist didn't show up, so all the lies heard tonight will be bare faced.'

'Oh, I don't paint -- I'm a make-out artist!'

The Toilette of Salome II - replacement version

"I need to look younger because I'm incredibly immature for my age."

"We're from the 'Times' Style-section rescue squad."

'He really wanted to get into the zombie role, so he became a Meth-Head actor.'

"I groom all day and still look like a baboon."

"I kid you not, blood was oozing from the walls! Unfortunately, it was fake: I had stumbled on the set of a horror movie..."

"Honey, do these sweatpants make me look like I prefer we stay in tonight so I can watch the game?"

The difference between cosmology and cosmetology.

"Can you make wishes on fake eyelashes?"

Halloween may be a little different this year.

Life Store Guide: Make-up and jewellery

"Whoa. Jeff. Looks like you got that job at the cosmetic testing lab."

"Too much concealer?"

'Be ready in a minute - just have to put on my face.'

For heavens sake,put some make-up on!

'I ask her to make up her mind. So she powders her forehead.'

"I don't like your application."

'You're much better than my mom. You can hardly tell when she paints her face.'

A new you. 'First, you've got to stop lying about you age.' It didn't start off well.

"Pssst! I had some CGI done."