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"It's in case there's a fly in your soup, sir."

"Your soup is delicious. The broth perfectly compliments the font."

"Bottled, tap or toilet water?"

Fountain of Youth/Fountain of Bacon

Do-it-yourself sushi bar serves live fish to customer.

"Did you order the flying jalapeños?"

'Our chickens are a real 'come back' story: raised organic, they hooked up with some seedy fowl, but then, thankfully, were saved by massive doses of antibiotics.'

'Your fingers are in the soup?' - 'Of course they are. It's freezing in that kitchen.'

"The finger bowl is courtesy of the gentleman."

"Just so I’m understanding the menu, the ‘Old Forge wheel with rosemary-infused pancetta’ is essentially a $36 Hot Pocket?"

'Waiter, I think my wife's calamari is underdone.'

"Don't panic, she'll be back. We lock the washroom windows from the outside."

"You're in luck. A slot for you just opened up in our kitchen."

Food inspection results

AS about Today's Specials' - 'Whatever didn't sell yesterday.'

'I'd like to order, please.' - 'Okay, what's your table number?' - 'I don't know.' - 'Find it, weak-minded fool!!' - 'What's our table number?' - 'There is no table number.' - 'There is no table number.' - 'You should have been assigned a table number whe

"Waiter! - this soup tastes funny!"

'Too much information! I prefer not knowing my lobster's name was Sigmund.'

'Have a little patience, Sir - We're not machines...'

"In addition to the menu, we have a few specials on the board."

'Can you give me a few minutes, Waiter? I can't run on a full stomach.'

'Fish fresh?' 'I don't know I've only been here two weeks .'

'I'll have what he's having.'

"My name's Aldred and I'll be your server this evening."

'I'll be talking nonsense when you come to take our order. But, if you pretend I'm speaking French there'll be a big tip in it for you.'

Hugo's in a peevish mood today, I'd finish that broccoli if I were you

"Stop serving Table 3 complimentary bread."

"The Catch of the Day is the chef's cold."

'Waiter, there're four flies in my soup! How 'bout just moving the bug zapper?'

Waiter, there's a fly drowning in my soup. Try mouth-to-mouth resuscitation.

Two ducks in restaurant, one without a beak, "Can I get my bill, please?"

"This is cold. I specifically ordered the Warm and Fuzzy."

'I didn't feel like cooking today.'

"Sorry, it’s my first day."

This fly's backstroke is atrocious. It will be reflected in his tip.