Locker Room Philosopher T-Shirts

'I'm just saying - it doesn't help morale.'

"Emily is very attractive, but Katy has more long-term earning potential."

Women after 10 minutes vs men after 10 years.

"Men's locker room. Caution: May not be as offensive as you've been led to believe."

"I was being honest with him, he said he was being honest with me, so now we don't know who to trust."

'Aw, come on guys - at the end of the day, it's only a game - right?'

"My email is down... talk to me."

"Because we dismissed his original self-diagnosis, he wants to give us his second opinion."

"I really have to exercise more. I went from yelling 'Fore' in my 20's, to yelling 'Wow' in my 30's, to yelling 'Ow' in my 50's."

Women in bed with her husband reads a book titled 'Sex Stinks'.

"All this namby pamby nonsense about stress...I've been stressed for YEARS and it's never done ME any harm... " "But you're only 25!"

"Well, he looks alive as of 10 minutes ago, but the stream is frozen."

'Hold on there Jethro! You know I don't tolerate that kind of horseplay in this joint.'

"So that's where you were last night."

Shakespeare in the clink

'I suppose the word 'patient' is used because that's what you have to be!'

'I wanted shorter hours, so he cut my breaks.'

"I think somebody thinks I've been away from my desk too long."

"Well, it's another brand-new day. What do you say to getting up and looking the damn thing straight in the eye?"

"Okay, there's one thing I like about school starting. I have a girlfriend this year."

'Dr. Bone's first opening for a new patient is 2 months from now. Will that work for you?'

'Same tragic story...A disgruntled athletic trainer burst into the locker room and starts taping players at random...'

Isn't that a surveillance camera?

Writer's irony.

'And don't shrink it in a hot wash.'

"I'll get that. First go get me a glass of warm water."

That's not quite what I meant by a 'balanced diet'..

"I've been waiting here so long I think I'm cured."

Life's choices (Tampons and Chocolate).

"Your desk is in here now. After all, it's where you spend most of the working day!"

"Harold is a closet intellectual and he's never coming out."

"Johnson, what are you doing? It's not time for your break yet."

'You're not really into this, are you Mahoney?'

'I pretend to work.They pretend to pay me!'

'Okay, so we're 4 and 8 this season. Take away those 8 losses and we're undefeated!'