Little League Magnate Mugs

"We're offering twenty million plus incentives over a four-year period, Mrs. Morton. Can Timmy come out and play?"

"There will be a winning team and a losing team. Are you OK with that?"

'Son, I want you to get out there and play like I've never played before.'

'I hate it when they emulate their major league heroes.'

'I was up twice and got one hit, which gives me an lifetime average of 500!'

"We won again, and guess what? A Russian oligarch wants to buy us!"

'Well, Jimmy, it's your turn to go get it.'

"Can we fast forward through the 7th inning stretch?"

'We're in a fantasy team owners' league, we locked out our players and came here to yuck it up.'

"It's her first bench-clearing brawl."

'I'm the new kid on the team. Where's my signing bonus?'

"OK...this season, I'm not taking any fooling around...we must have discipline! We must know the rules! We must respect the other team! But mostly...no yelling at the kids, or the coach!"

'Nice level swing, Billy. Just meet the ball. Don't try to kill it, Billy.'

"Would you knowingly cheat to be better at something just to make millions of dollars? Well would you? Son? ... Son?"

"Benjamin, we've discovered, is quite gifted at third base."

"Coach said I can be catcher if I gain 30 pounds."

'Watch out for the hidden ball trick.'

'The pain in your eyes is from too much TV. The pain in your arm is from too much base-ball and that other pain is from too much home-work.'

"Did you really just tell me to keep my eye on the ball?"

Sportsmanship

"I play 'backside'. My 'backside' is always sitting on the bench."

'Play your best. There's going to be a scout for the ten year olds in the stands!'

'A good, but not a grand slam!'

'Sixteen home runs, 34 runs batted in, and nine stolen bases. I'd call that being good.'

Little League Registration: "Um, I think we're gonna need to see your birth certificate again, son. . ."

"Tyler lost interest in baseball once he tried old-time boxing."

'She's a good coach, and the kids seem to like her. But I still think someone should at least run a background check.'

'Next time up, I'm calling my shot: I'm pointing to the catcher's mitt.'

"Would you explain to your son that there's no free agency in T-ball?"