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'A BRAIN!' 'A HEART!' 'THE NERVE'

Hamlet.

"This is a merit-based organization! Can't you see I’ve hired the very best and most qualified yes-men money can buy?"

"We need to make some cuts. We'll start with integrity, accountability, openness, and transparency."

"Everyone at Megadrug is committed to the benefits of spoken therapies, which is why we developed 'nitrazone' to enhance the experience."

"Would you say that the sales projections in your 3 year plan are realistic?"

"Like I could date a guy from Notre Dame."

The Quack Quack Diaries: Quack Quack Writes A Novel

"See..? We told you there was nothing there..."

U of Debt

Dickens & Tolstoy Walk into a Bar: " . . . so, to make a short story long . . . "

So I guess the moral of Hansel and Gretel is always carry your cell phone!

'We interrupt this programme for a sex flash.'

"What's wrong with swallowing up other companies?"

"The little engine that could... after taking advantage of family connections, a trust fund, working two years for free as an intern, and finally getting hired as an independent contractor."

"It's good to know she was butchered for a noble cause."

"She wishes to range free!"

Next gen pregnancy tests.

A small number of people are afraid of heights, but there is an epidemic fear of widths.

It's a new government directive requiring us to be 58% more cheerful within 18 months.

"Where we lack in productivity is made up by extremely low employee turnover."

Beckett for Beginners: "Waiting for Thumbkin"

Government Offices / In tray, No Exit tray.

"Remember, education pays, unless you end up an adjunct - like me."

'And she's got to have implants out to here.'

"Your taxes,pension and health deductions have exceeded your wages - here's your bill."

The Great Leap Forward

Limerick On A Grecian Urn

'Take us to your crash test facilities. We're here to liberate our compatriots!'

Novak Djokovic has his visa denied to play in Australia as he is unvaccinated

It started friendly enough...'I'm Henry VIII, my dear, but you may call me 'Hank'.'

Police film evidence

"They say we destroy plants – such as potatoes, corn and carrots – and they're boycotting us. They're fruitarians."

'Sure, real estate prices are sky-high, but kings don't sell their castles, and that's that.'

"If CEO pay packets aren't a problem, why doesn't everyone get one?"