Linguistic Whiz Pillows

'It's not a prescription. It's a letter from my son in med school that I'm hoping you can decipher.'

Polly txt speak

Wordplay: In The Bag.

"Sorry I'm late. I overslept." "Is that even a real word?"

"She's a show dog...purebred, of course." "That's great! My guy's a Sanskrit scholar...wrote for the Harvard Lampoon."

'Unaccustomed as I am to public speaking...'

"Darn autocorrect!"

Malaprop Man! Adventures. Malaprop Man! Where have you been? At a stupor her comet confection! Did many of your fellow heroes show up? We had a great turnabout! Backman and the Incredible Bulk were there! So was Caption Americ, the Flush, Wander Woman and Plasterman! Very impressive. Who was the most popular with the fans? I think I was the main distraction! I have no doubt at all about that!

"Brilliant cover letter, lousy résumé."

'The meaning of life? sorry, I can only answer 'true or false' questions.'

'In today's market hyperbole was up sharply. Similes and metaphors held relatively steady with euphemisms hitting another record low.'

'Instead of cubicles, we call them interconnected productivity centres.'

'What does coincide mean?' 'It's what you do when it starts to rain.'

'It's not scatting if they're under age two.'

Bull Pen

Sub Editor

"I'm tardy? Whew! I was afraid I was going to be late for school!"

Writing the poem was easy: there are lots of words rhyming with "snow"...

A Court Reporter's Pocket Knife

Holy Mackerel

A 'DIVERSION' sign points to a crazy guy.

'A frore basenji was mistaken for a stabile.'

'Once a donzel, the dyvour now settled for orts.'

Primate Speech Institute. He's learned to talk, but all he'll talk about is the price of bananas.

Succeed

"Spring Chicken"

'I don't like this part. 'Please find enclosed the inclusion of my enclosure'.'

Ernest Hemingway

Traffic Jam

'The Moving Finger Writes; And, Having Writ, Moves On To A Three Week, Twenty City Book Tour.'

Kettle Drum

What's a twelve-letter phrase for "modify anger"? "Temper temper"!

'Try hitting him harder.' 'Is that all you have to say?' 'Try hitting him harder, PLEASE.'

'Her being multi-lingual has it's drawbacks I'm afraid-she nags me in SIX languages!'

'Of course I can spell -- I just can't spell conventionally.'