Legal Thrill-seekers Pillows

"I'd like to avoid a costly and embarrassing trial but I could use the media exposure."

'Time to buy.'

Money pouring in for a 'Acme Doodad Company's IPO.

"Some idiot spread the rumour that the boss had called in sick! Now look what's happened to the tobacco and coffee stocks!"

Snowflake Investments...penny stocks, junk bonds: 'Here today, gone tomorrow!'

"Dow's up!"

Yomp Investments - Big risks sometimes means BIG BUCKS!: 'I'm a little uneasy about the 'sometimes'...'

An extreme sports biker as a baby.

"Our stock is down. Start some rumors on Wall Street that it's going up."

Jeff Sessions

'I ran as fast as I could, but I still couldn't catch the Gingerbread Man...'

'I find if I'm the first one in and the first one out, Ponzi schemes can be very lucrative.'

Bull Riding on the Stock Market

"You will note that their ability to comprehend, assess and process information increases dramatically when Professor Podhertz throws in the cat."

'This is Adventure Capital! You want Venture Capital two doors down.'

'And now, here's our own Ted Slimbuck to explain all those ups and downs in the stock market.'

'He's chasing the market.'

'Remember, there's nothing to fear, except fear itself and costly litigation.'

Hedge funds make billions from short selling Coronavirus stocks.

Economic

'We ride the storm until greed is back.'

'Don't jump Pumroy! Just remember: today's frantic selling can quickly become tomorrow's frantic buying.'

Grexit

'Don't jump! The latest market sector bubble to burst is making a turnaround!'

"My favorite time of year is earnings season."

"The DNA does not lie Mrs Miggins...or should I call you Don Escobar Bolivian drugs czar?"

Profit Cowboy

'Before you get into the market, Mr. Root, we need to test your pain threshold!'

'Aren't corporate raiders getting increasingly aggressive?'

"I had the financial world by the tail. Then it got diarrhea."

'Trading stocks from home just wasn't cutting it for me anymore.'

'It's not a Ponzi scheme. It's a Ponzi FUND.'

'This is going to be very painful. Here, bite on this stick.'

"On Wall Street, yesterday's panic selling was replaced by panic buying."