Legal Negotiations T-Shirts

Solicitor tells divorcing couple: 'You must see that 'I'll have the bricks and she can have the mortar' is not very helpful,'

'He can have custody of the kids as long as I have access to his bank account at weekends.'

"And need I remind you, the 'art of the deal' is the lifeblood of this company."

"Can I savor this for a few moments? The ball's never been in my court before!"

Brian wanted to call the presentation "Synergy". Paula wanted to call it "Cooperation". They could never agree.

"Here's what I'm gonna do."

I hope a starting salary of 80 and a severance of 12 is acceptable....

'When we get there let me do the double talking.'

'Which 'win' is ours? Because the one on the left looks bigger.'

'I'm glad you guys could work this out in a reasonable manner.'

UK/US Free Trade Deal

'It's a deal, lets sniff bottoms!'

"They're having a fight over how best to handle client conflict."

"Then we have an unspoken agreement?"

"Well, it looks like the merger is off."

"That's Paul, he's our head of partnerships..."

'You think I'm crazy; I think you're crazy...finally some common ground!'

'We're making progress. I just got a firm 'maybe'.'

'I ace 'wheeling' but I flunked 'dealing'' - Boy on leaving Business Administration.

'Try and be negative in a positive way.'

SALE

"What if he's bluffing? What if he's not? What if the room just gets too hot?"

Tug of Negotiation and Conciliation.

'Pick a contract...any contract!'

'Ok, here's the meeting agenda ... it's gonna be a long one.'

'Gentlemen, I've been authorized to sweeten the offer.'

'Negotiations have reached an impasse, legal recommends we resort to violence.'

'I went into that meeting with a hidden agenda and then forgot where I put it.'

"I see we're going up against the Big Guys."

Changing Minds

'Okay...3.5 billion in stock, 2.5 billion in cash, 80 million in deferred compensation, my own private jet, a luxury car lease for the next ten years, 3 club memberships and...

"Oh dear...I don't think negotiations are going too well..."

'It wasn't long before Larry realized his calling as a lawyer whisperer...'

What do you mean, "Did I try anything funny?"

'As my solicitor I think you could have negotiated that better.'