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"So, David. Do you have a permit for that weapon?"

'Couldn't Peter claim Mr. McGregor's garden was an 'attractive nuisance?'

Too Many Lawyers Spoil the Broth

A baby in court

'I gotta admit - this 'jury by my peers' idea of yours is looking pretty good.'

'Is there any chance I could do the five years vicariously?'

'Nonsense, Harry, it's my treat. I'm filing for bankruptcy tomorrow.'

'Insofar as all parties have agreed to mediation, I've taken the liberty of hiring a medium.'

Judge to attorneys in courtroom wearing boxing gloves: 'Looks like you're both ready for your opening arguments, gentlemen?'

"The charge is loitering, your honor."

Judge chasing fly with gavel.

'Do you mean LAWYER?'

Prosecutor's Office. The judge threw out the confession --- He said it was coerced. You violated the duress code!

Courtroom. Next time I wouldn't say "Convincingly, I hope" when the judge asks how you plead.

All together now! Let's sing our decision!

"I can assure you, Your Honor, that my client knocked over the liquor store with the best of intentions."

'I'd like to have my name legally changed to 'Dot Com.''

It is illegal to fall asleep under a hairdryer in Florida.

"Now, if something happens to your marriage, do you want do-not resuscitate?"

"See, there it is.Thou shalt not bake cakes for gay couples."

'...please instruct the puppet to remain silent and let the witness answer for himself.'

'Overruled. Now answer the question. We could all use a good laugh.'

'I wonder what that knocking noise is.'

"It was 'im wot ruffled me bonce, judge, as I was politely getting into 'is car."

'Well, if you DNA made you do it, I'm sentencing your DNA to thirty years in prison.'

Judge Duels

'Before your honor passes sentence, is the anything my client could do for extra credit, if you know what I mean?'

"Well, I made you a job offer and you accepted. I guess the only thing left is for me to read you your Miranda rights."

"We've decided to settle our of quart."

Barrister defending a criminal

"Are you aware under the new terrorism laws I can hold you without charge for up to 90 days?"

You ought to be in the funny papers, counselor. That was yet another hilarious objection. Overruled, of course.

'And in order to make the experience of court less intimidating...'

"Case dismissed for obvious reasons."

'I'm here for trying to keep my nose clean. I got caught stealing a packet of tissues.'