Legal Jargon Buster Pillows

"You misread the terms of your employment. Your probation period is 6 years, not 6 months."

'Negotiations have reached an impasse, legal recommends we resort to violence.'

'Dad, when do I stop being a wholly owned subsidy of you and Mom?'

'Your proposal is written with clarity and conviction. Send it up to legal for obfuscation.'

Lawyer's baby first word: whiplash!

"You can't quit my bridal fashion business. It says so in the prenup, I man the non-compete agreement!"

'You use Romance Languages when wooing your beloved and Hate Languages during the prenup process.'

Plain English group.

Management Speak - reading between the lines: "This new role would involve some extra responsibilities." "He wants me too work twice as hard."

'And as my chart clearly shows, I haven't got a clue what I'm talking about.'

'You have an over reactive gagging reflex.'

'So I said 'You must be frackin' joking!''

"Right so that's agreed, we can say 'Happy Festive Season' as long as we add the caveat that we are in no way liable for any lack of 'happiness' or a surfeit of 'misery'!"

'Send this back to the legal department. I think they could make it much more complicated than this...'

"We must avoid jargon if we truly wish to empower our clients..."

Company spokespersons statement being interpreted into plane English by a second spokesman.

"Am I the party of the first part or the party of the second part?"

Childhood can be tough when your dad is a lawyer...

"Isn't it true, Mr. Sheppard, that you are, in fact, the 'party of the first part'?"

Pushing the envelope.

'It has to be understandable, Higbe. A code of ethics is not actually to be written in code.'

'Tell us, in layman's terms, what your breakthrough means.'

"There's no need to take notes. I have no idea what I'm talking about."

"I'm just following up on that email."

'It wasn't so much armed robbery as my client converting the owner's assets from sole proprietorship to a mutual fund.'

"Their lawyer found out that I enjoy reading poetry, and that I also like to watch professional wrestling. They're calling it a conflict of interests."

After Mr and Mrs Tooth and Nail you've got the Hammer and Tongs.

Judge has work boxes labeled Sustained and Overruled.

"Good customer communications require you to translate this mumbo jumbo into gobbledegook."

'That's what I call thinking outside the box.'

'Your uncle left everything to Charity... So far we haven't been able to locate her.'

'We structured the deal so that you'll need a lawyer to explain it.'

"I'm going to forego all the gobbledegook and cut straight to the rigamarole."