Legal Eagle With A Taste For Satire T-Shirts

The attorney's Blue-Plate special: Red Snapper, embroiled in a hot legal dispute.

"Objection, your honor, my client's feelings are being hurt."

'Who says justice has to be the only thing on tap?'

"White Collar Prison"

"Just one more outburst and I can have this chicken tenderized."

"Are you trying to show contempt for this court."

'Insofar as all parties have agreed to mediation, I've taken the liberty of hiring a medium.'

"Everybody out of the water! Lawyer!"

'I think its being tapped.'

'Place your hand on the e-bible and text me a repeat text of my text...'

"Guilty of a sense of humor in a tight-ass world."

'Your Honor, permission to abandon the strict, upstanding, fiduciary responsibilities of my profession for a chance at fleeting personal, carnal gratification?'

"I'm not sure...I think the animals have been acting differently since we started feeding them that genetically modified stuff!"

Audiovisual law

'Sir, this chicken is improperly dressed!'

"If it please Your Honor, may I redo the bench?"

Laws and mobile technology

"I'm your court-appointed attorney, but I'm really an interior decorator."

Fenton, Griff, Wintz & Barkins - Attorneys-at-law: The Legal We Do Immediately, The Illegal Takes a Little Longer

'I'm groping for a snappy, Hollywood-style one-liner in answer to your question, your Honor, but all I'm coming up with is 'Not Guilty!''

Computer questionning a witness.

'I'm afraid I'll have to sentence you to five years, but you have been a beautiful defendant.'

'... the party of the first part is to give the party of the second part ...'

Lawyer Xing

'They were about to reach a verdict until they heard ...'

"Seriously? You refuse to answer based on the fifteenth amendment?"

"You're charged with blowing the roof off, bringing the house down, and totally killing it. How do you plead?"

Computer Aided Divorce.

Sue the Author: 1pm-3pm

"Your honor, allow me to introduce Fluffy Pants, my support cat."

Player Status.

'Now take a deep breath and visualize your client being acquitted.'

'What an evening! I could have sued all night!'

"My client is completely rehabilitated, Your Honor, in a grabass sort of way."

'Can you believe it? I wake her up after 100 years and Sleeping Beauty slaps me with a sexual harassment suit!'