Legal Eagle In Pajamas Gifts

'This message contains confidential and/or legally privileged information, unintended recipients may not use, copy or disclose any portion of this transmission.'

"Objection, your honor, my client's feelings are being hurt."

'Can I sue someone because I didn't win my lawsuit?'

'Who says justice has to be the only thing on tap?'

"Stop billing your daughter for reading her bedtime stories!!"

"Assisting me with this delicate procedure is Dr. Warren. He's one of the top specialists in avoiding malpractice suits."

"Just one more outburst and I can have this chicken tenderized."

"Petting, fetching, receiving belly rubs . . . It all adds to your billable hours."

"White Collar Prison"

'If you can't afford a media adviser the court will appoint you one.'

PARALEGAL, 'Hi -- I'm a paracriminal.'

'I think its being tapped.'

"Guilty of a sense of humor in a tight-ass world."

Judge getting hair done.

"He's doing it again, your honor!"

"Everybody out of the water! Lawyer!"

'Your Honor, permission to abandon the strict, upstanding, fiduciary responsibilities of my profession for a chance at fleeting personal, carnal gratification?'

'Don't worry, I haven't sued any patients. I got the J.D. as a deterrent to lawsuits!'

I'm representing Rudy in your relationship discussions. It's common sense. It will enable both parties to not get too emotional. You're trying to prevent emotion from bleeding into a relationship discussion. Check. Dumbest thing I've ever heard! Calm down.

'Judge Bush agreed to come out of retirement on a temporary basis.'

"If things go well here, I'm going to open up my own firm."

'Sir, this chicken is improperly dressed!'

L.A. Law

"The way I see it, justice delayed is that many more billable hours."

Innocent bystanders are real tough to convict: 'You saw it happen, why didn't you do anything?'

"I'm your court-appointed attorney, but I'm really an interior decorator."

Attorney-at-play

QC appointments fall to all time low.

'I'm on my way to court. What tie goes well with a guilty plea?'

'Cold today, isn't it?' - 'Yes, I actually saw a solicitor with his hands in his own pockets.'

"When I'm with you, Miss Lawson, the billable hours just fly by."

'Careful. It's the Litigious Kid, and his boys.'

Employee help

"My specialty is tangled webs."

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